July 9, 2007

• Pride.

   

  Ah…summer.  That time of year where college kids out of school run amok, tanned wahines to the beaches flock, and the grim reaper comes to knock.  Why, pray tell?  It’s because it’s July and all the new interns have started, making the hospitals the most dangerous place to be, 2^nd to that infinitesimally shrinking space between a rabid Lindsey Lohan and her cocaine (don’t do drugs, people, look what happened to Hillary Clinton…she turned into a man!).

  

  What happens when Herbie goes to Colombia.

   

  For those of you who are not in tune with life inside la familia, here’s a brief review of the hierarchy of medicine from plankton to Free Willy:

  1. Premed (I’m talking about you, 2^nd-generation Chinese-American biology-chemistry-physics triple major with a minor in violin!)
  2. Med student
  3. Intern
  4. Resident
  5. Fellow (extra years of training to be a subspecialist--like cardiology--it’s optional)
  6. Attending
  7. Attending’s wife (who still holds all the power…it doesn’t work the other way around for hubbies of attendings)

  When I'm at work I hide my superhero cape and the big “F” adorning my chest and conduct myself in a humble manner.  (Hey, no boo-hissing, I’m telling the truth!)  When paged I answer with. “Hi, this is Frank the Fellow.”  I never say, “this is Dr. so-and-so” unless I’m calling somewhere unfamiliar.  And it cracks me up when I do this and the person on the other line says, “Hi Frank, this is Dr. xxx, INTERN on xxx service.”  This tends to happen mostly with Family Practice and Physiatry and in the summer, when the new med school graduates are flush with power, being able to order people around for the first time since they were 3-years-old (and yet with both the discussion often centers on pooping, coming full circle!).  I guess for some reason it makes themselves feel good to lord a title over the person on the phone who graduated top ten in his med school (shhh, it’s a secret) and was an attending before coming back to do fellowship.  Bwahahaha!  3 more examples recently:

   

  1. Med student I saw with a short, white coat with his name and “Medical Student” monogrammed on it.  I’m sorry, son, your parents just set you up to be hazed like this dude. 
  2. Intern here who feels the need to sign his/her orders, “xxxx, M.D., M.P.H.” (M.P.H. = Masters of Public Health a.k.a. I needed something to do before reapplying to med school…haha!  J/K, don’t epidemiologize me to death!)
  3. A cashier who bragged about bringing in the most money.  Honey, I don’t think it’s your cashiering skills or the n.a.s.t. salad bar that make people come to this particular hospital cafeteria!

  Anyways, I thought I’d take the opportunity to mention other groups of people who tend to take themselves a little too seriously (I don’t mean to stereotype, but I will!)….

   

  Starbucks Baristas

  At the Empire of Evil I love ordering, “large size, please,” which inexorably leads to the barista shooting me an incredulous and menacing stare while saying, “you mean, like, VENTI?”  (You'd think that you just ordered a clubbed baby seal or something the way they react sometimes!!!)  Then I ask them to explain to me the differences between a mocha, a latte and a cappuccino, and if they carry diet pepsi just to irritate the Asian girls text messaging with their Blackberrys and “writers” with their berets, pedophile sunglasses and laptops in line behind me. 

   

  Grown-ups with content WORTH being featured blogring a.k.a Featured_Grownups

  This is a group where members are encouraged to comment and star each other in an attempt to get onto Featured Content (FC).  I admit that when I first started xanga I used to woop-woop whenever I got onto FC, but after 2.5 yrs of having almost all my posts on FC, it does nothing to enhance your blog and FC really has nothing to do with quality.  Lesson number one of being a writer…let your writing speak for itself.  It’s not about loving the craft, it’s about crafting something you love.  Good writers should not have to campaign for comments.  Whether I get 100 comments or just 10, I write because I love to.  I ain’t tryin’ to hate on ya, homies.  Best of luck in crafting something you love.  Just stop doing it at Starbucks so I can get a seat with my large drink.

   

  Al Gore

  I think Big Al missed the memo that he lost the election in his own state, not to mention the nation.  You can't watch TV these days without getting 'Gore'd by his environmental doomsday predictions that make Nostradamus look like a stale fortune cookie.  (This from the man whose house burns more electricity than Bolivia.)  I think as the first step in decreasing global warming the Clintonian Scottie Pippen should be required to get his son to light up less, and I'm not talking about Xmas trees! 

  

  Pass the dutchie on the left hand side, everyone, it's time to go GANJA GREEN!

  Another thing to remember, Democraps and Republican'ts, is that marijuana is a cause of gynecomastia (men with boobies).

  

  Raise your right hand and repeat after me, "I will not smoke marijuana so I won't get man boobies like, uh, someone!"

   

  Emcee Rove

  Some people actually should take themselves seriously and not try to be funny.  Exhibit A: old white Republicans trying to rap and dance.  The best part is at 1:39 where the guy "scratching" sounds like an orangutan who just got his prostate biopsied.  I wonder how much they paid the black guy to stand up there with them.   Bwahahaha!

   

  Franksabunch™

  Yeah, this guy is the worst of them all!!!

   

  But seriously, folks.  To you residents out there, remember that humility is one the most important traits of being a doctor.  Pride is like a date on eHarmony.com...easy to get, but still ugly at the end of the day.

   

  Have a great week! I'm out like Al Gore's son after 2 vicodins and some herb.   (Disclaimer: The Franksabunch™ does not endorse or condone the misuse of prescription medication, unless it's lithium to reduce Cindy Sheehan's delusions of grandeur.)

  -------

  There was some durahma recently re: my fabulous cousin's site, and the blogger formerly known as Dehzep wanted to man up and apologize, so if you want, you can go find it in the comment section.

  -------

  I just discovered another music group I've been diggin' recently.  Well, actually I heard about them a long time ago when SumoSue would plug them (before she got kidnapped by World of Warcraft, haha), but never heard a track until recently. Monroe Street.  I love their sound (a little mix of old and new school) and can't wait for an album to drop.  (If you go to the friends section, "Momma Lee" has more tracks on her site, which I assume is from the band.)

  • 10:05 am
  • 61 Comments