July 24, 2007

• Party Foul (Bleavage).

   

  Edit: Warning! Partial nudity (but not enough to get banned from xanga, Mr. John!) ahead!

   

  So the other weekend there was a xanga get together including the likes of radjbo, wutuwaitn4, iluvconverse, my_notes_to_self, nomuskles, GERKshinobi, Bobashop, the fashionably late summ3r21, and others in SF, and something happened that made me think about party fouls.

   

  Now we all know that there are certain party fouls that are universal.  Among them…

   

  • Bringing your mom to a party (unless she’s Heather Locklear or the Queen Mum and is paying for everything)
  • Mentioning that you voted for Bush
  • Wearing a tank top if you have sasquatch armpits (the French are excused...or is it because we're distracted by the smell?)
  • Sandbagging (taking a sip and then leaving the rest of the bottle)
  • Talking to a wahine’s boobalies and not her face
  • Asking the male host if he has any spare maxi-pads you can “borrow” (don't laugh, this has happened to me before!)
  • Dropping a dos in the lone bathroom and not flushing
  • Saying the “N” word if you’re not, well, you know
  • Being Sarah Silverman at an Asian party
  • Barfing anywhere except on Sarah Silverman

  But when we were at the Wharf I spotted one of the worst party fouls of them all.

  

   

  Bleavage!!! (Butt + cleavage.)

   

  I swear, there was so much crack that day that I was half expecting former DC mayor Marion Barry to show up with a lighter and a pipe.

   

  I’m not sure what is the whole deal with bleavage.  Wahines who do that can’t feign ignorance.  With the breeze rushing in the tunnel poking out between the cheeks, how can you not know that your second smile is hanging out?  Do these wahines think that it’s attractive?

   

  Throughout the ages we’ve been treated to various fads of exposure…the dazzey dukes (a.k.a. hood rat hood rat hoochie mama booty shorts), the cleavage, the bare midriff, and I can certainly understand wanting to highlight your perceived most attractive part.  Which is why women with gazongas let you know that they have gazongas...from the other side of the room.  In my younger Xanga days I would flash my photoshopped biceps because it was the only semi-attractive part of me (the rest of me is as undesirable as a colonoscopy without anesthesia…but now even the ‘ceps are gone…sigh).  And double decka hecka, if I had a midriff like ilovepeas or zfunkmonkey, I probably would show it off as well.  But with bleavage I have to draw the line.  Why?  I dunno, I guess it’s the doctor in me, but(t) every time I see bleavage, I can trace out a Chernobyl-sized plume of fecal particles shooting out and coming after my left nostril.

   

  Beauty does not have to expose itself to be so.  And modesty, like the Coast Guard, is both underrated and underappreciated.

   

  If you want to rock a body part because you worked hard to get it blazin', then by all means, go ahead and shine like Jay-Z’s wrist.  But please, let’s make America a better place by putting the bleavage away.  Or else next time I’m going be the toilet paper ninja and stick TP in it!

   

  I’m out like Al Gore's son after 4 joints!  Have a great week!

  ------

  Movie recs: Transformers (if you're a dork like me) and on DVD Smokin' Aces (I thought this would be just a Boondock Saints-ish shoot 'em up movie with the bonus of Alicia Keys, but it was actually well written with a very good ending.)

  ------

  Picture time!  These are from the other weekend when we got together...

  

  5 seconds later we were zapped up by the mothership.  Photo courtesy of GERKshinobi.

  

  These are our "constipation" faces.  Sooz is trying really hard.  Haha!  Photo courtesy of GERKshinobi.

  

  I dunno what me and WuWu were looking at, but it obviously wasn't as exciting as the Transformers movie.  I just wanted to show off my $7 on sale shirt here.  Taiwanese represent!  Photo courtesy of nomuskles.

  

  This is the view 99% of the world has of me...haha!  Me and the brightest smile on xanga, bobashop.  Photo courtesy of nomuskles.

  

  I'm doing by best impersonation of yellow fever with iluvconverse.  Photo courtesy of radjbo.

  

  WuWu and Jbo. 

  

  Dude who I forgot his name because ?he doesn't have a xanga? (but you're still awesome, man), iluvconverse, WuWu, GERKshinobi, my_notes_to_self, radjbo, nomuskles, and me (behind the camera!).

  • 9:05 am
  • 66 Comments