August 16, 2011

• Thin line between love and weight.

  My Wife™ has a love/hate relationship with me.  Or to be more specific…my weight.  Any ancient reader of this blog (still out there? holla!) is well aware that when it comes to body habitus, on the spectrum between Ally McBeal and a Tolkien cave troll I fall somewhere in between the West Indian manatee and Andre the Giant.  Being an Apple II plus-sized man in an iPad world does have its benefits, however.  When I ventured to the mainland for college, I didn’t endure as many racial pejoratives as other Asian guys probably because I was still bigger than 90% of the non-athlete students on campus.  During my brief clubbing days I was always popular because of my height.  Well, sort of.  When everyone got separated they would always “look for Frank” in the crowd to find everyone else.  (The most action I would ever get is my female friends holding onto my arms to keep from getting swallowed by the crowd.)

  But as a married man?  My wife wants me to be smaller so that I can live longer and so she’ll have an easier time helping me transfer from bed to potty when my aged self becomes riddled with infirmities.  Well, at least that’s what the party line is.  The real reason, I suspect?  She wants a hot husband that she can show off.  Don’t lie, ladies, I know having a hot man at your side boosts your morale and social standing more than chicken cutlets in your bra.  I knew a girl whose non-negotiables included her man being so hot that when he walked into a room everyone would stop and stare (but not hotter than her, of course).  

  The problem is that whenever I get into my working out/dieting phase and drop 5 lbs. my Wife™ starts making comments about how she’s scared.  She apparently worries that in my slightly more svelte state that some girl is going to make a play for a piece of The Franksabunch™.  (She obviously doesn’t know me as well as she should, because I’ve never had that kind of  ”problem” my whole life.)

  Of course I’m making it out to be more than it really is just for drama’s sake, but when you think about it, there really is a thin line between love and weight in every relationship.  She wants me to be skinnier, but not too skinny.  I supported her going to Korea to visit family in this time of need, but I also didn’t want her to go for too long for reasons that can only be described as selfish.  You, reading this right now.  I’m sure you want your spouse to thrive at work to be able to provide for your family, but not so much that s/he is never home.  I’m sure you want your partner to stop interrupting and instead be an avid and compassionate listener, but not so passive that s/he will never offer wisdom or thoughts.  You want your boyfriend to defend and support you, but not to the point where he’s so enthralled with outbursts of anger that he pushes everyone away from you.  You want your girlfriend to give you space when you are angry, but not so much that there is no room left for forgiveness.

  We all have our expectations, but instead of demanding that our loved ones be this or that, we should instead focus on simply who they are and why they are here.  The unspoken and elusive yet glaringly obvious secret to maintaining a relationship is holding your partner’s hand.  That way, whether you are backsliding, changing for the better, barely surviving or thriving, you are doing it together.  It is not so much finding common ground as it is standing your ground with the stronger person at the time supporting the weaker person.  Anyone not willing to take turns being the stronger or weaker person with you is not worth being with at all, regardless of how skinny, handsome, rich, funny or smart they may be.

  So will I keep off those extra pounds before she comes back?  I’ve come to realize that it won’t matter because when I see her across the airport after one month of being apart, I know that I will be the hottest man in the room to her and she the most beautiful woman simply because of who we are and why we are there.

  ——

  Hope all of you are doing well.  I thought I’d follow up my emo post yesterday with something a little more vintage Franksabunch™.    Hopefully I can be more committed to Xanga after a couple years off, but we’ll see.  Who’s still around?!

  • 1:57 am
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