April 3, 2007

• He saw, she saw.

   

  Last week I went to see my primary care doctor (because even superheroes need preventive care…I’m not 25 anymore!) and when the nurse was trying to take my blood pressure she couldn’t get a good reading.  In my nicest voice (I didn’t reveal to her my secret identity yet…it tends to make ancillary healthcare providers nervous) I remarked, “oh, I think the blood pressure cuff you’re using might be too big.”  (She was using the cuff I usually use for people who weigh at least 3 dollars.) “Well,” she said with a smile.  “After you took your shirt off I saw your arm and thought it was quite big, so I grabbed the XL cuff.” To which I promptly replied, “Why thank you.”   Hahahaha!

   

  This reminds me of my first year at the Univ. of Maryland (Duke sucks!).  My friend bet me that I would gain 15 pounds by Christmas break and if I did I would have to take her and her sister out to dinner.  Determined not to lose I did an anti-Atkins: I ate meat only once a day and ate lots of plain carbs, cutting out all sauce, juice and soda.  By Christmas I went from a solid 185 to a waiflike 164.  I was so skinny that I could hide by standing sideways and all the New Joisey sorority girls would take a sip of Haterade whenever I'd walk by.  I looked like Gumby dipped in yellow ink!

   

  But it was quite a lesson in the views through the gender looking glass.  When I came home I got two different responses when I ran into my male and female friends:

   

  Boys: Eh, brah. [shaking head] You stay all skinny now.  You need to go lift.

  Girls: Oh my GAWSH, Frank.  [hopping up and down] You look sooooo good!! How did you lose so much weight?  Tell me how!!!

   

  All my guy friends wondered what happened to the semi-buff man that left Hawaii and all my wahine friends wondered what happened to the semi-fat man that left Hawaii.

   

  It’s funny how we can grow up in the same country, be immersed in the same local culture, exposed to the same media, and yet still have diametrically opposed views on things (with us men being on the correct side of reason, of course ).  So in the spirit of ill communication I thought I’d highlight the differences in the way the correct and fairer sexes view things. 

   

  Shopping together

  • Great bonding activity.  So which pair of shoes do you want to buy me? *pout*
  • Horrible bondage activity.  I want to scratch my butt but the cute salesgirl is nearby.

  Xanga

  • Great for networking and venting about my BF, BFF, BGF, M&D, WoW, FHS, KWO, CMP, WAL, QDI, and UEK.
  • Chicks!  Dude, can you get me Akikokim’s phone number?  (It’s about time you post again, A!!!)

  Weddings

  • I. want. that. bouquet.  (The only time women outside of bachelorette parties that women will be reduced to screaming teenyboppers.)
  • Open bar, baby!  *barp*

  A girl’s best guy friend

  • I’m so happy there is a boy who I can talk to about all my problems and go shopping with!
  • Why is that guy always trying to creep?  Get your own wahine, mushbag! 

  Hillary Clinton

  • A great trailblazing, standard-bearer for women’s rights and the pursuit of cracking the glass ceiling.
  • She looks like a dude.  Is that a moustache I see?

  Eating out with friends

  • It’s so cute that he wants to spend time with my friends
  • Good, this way she can’t stop me from eating that 4^th slice of pizza…hehe (it works, trust me)

  Commitment

  • Yay!
  • What?

  Global warming

  • We need to cut down on emissions to save the pandas.
  • Oh, does this mean I have to fart less?

  Fear to Faith Clothing

  • Great stuff!
  • Great stuff!

  Finally, something we can agree on.  (Sorry, don’t have time to write more down.)

   

  Have a great week! 

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  I’m heading to NYC for vacation soon to visit my sister(s), any recs on where to EAT?

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  Edit: Oops, for those of you who asked about my friend's orchid company, the website is down, so I'll ask him what is the best way to contact him.

  • 9:40 am
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