December 27, 2011
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On Dying Young.
This past Christmas weekend someone died suddenly and unexpectedly. Being of similar age to myself, he was still in the prime of his life. As a physician I learned a long time ago how to disconnect myself somewhat from the outcomes of my patients. This is not to say that I have become some monolithic doctor who cares no more for my patients than I would for some stranger on the other side of the world. (If you do not believe me, ask my wife what happens whenever I come home after a patient dies.) Paradoxically it is the opposite. I partially shield myself so that I can still maintain a warm heart for those around me and the patients who remain, for a heart can only bleed so much before it ceases to beat. But for this, I bled on Jesus’s birthday and am still bleeding now.
We always find that sudden and unexpected deaths happen to other families, but not this time. We always expect that the young should never die, but not this time. We always believe that the ones we love will never leave, but not this time.
When my father died years ago I quickly learned that there is no solace to be found in words and that physical comfort by others in the form of a hug or pat on the back is as ephemeral as it is skin deep. I learned that knowing how or why is no better salve than any sinful substance. I learned that the world is a cruel and unfair place. But I also learned, truly learned, what it meant to love and be loved. I learned that the pain we feel is the currency with which we used to purchase all the good times when that person was still here. I learned what is like for my soul to be embraced by a heart that is greater than mine.
In times like these it is common to ask, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” However, the more salient question is, “How do we remain good people when bad things happen?” for it is in the pursuit of the answer to that question that we find victory in a world designed for entropy and despair. That victory is found when the hearts of the company that we keep remain true when all else does not; it is found when we hold on to our humanity by choosing to love rather than hate; and it is found when we realize that we do not need to wait until we reach heaven to touch the face of God, for His face has been pressed against ours all along.
I do not know why he died so young, so unfair, so unjust. But I know that he was always warm and welcoming to anyone in his path. I know that his smile will always live on in my memories. I know that he will never be forgotten. And I know that we can still love and feel loved by him until the end of our days.
We miss you.
Comments (22)
I am sorry for your loss. my deepest sympathy and condolences.
I don’t know what to say as this subject really just…leaves me speechless.
Praying for you, his family, his friends, and all other loved ones.
i’m sorry frank. =(
So beautifully written. He will be remembered and known about thanks to your words
my deepest condolenses and lots of prayers for him as well as the ones he’s left behind…
it is very challenging to remain good when we realizes what/how the world is… but lets pray and hope to keep faith alive, so that we stay good.
take care, be well.
i know this does not mean much but i feel you pain, thank you for this blog -
“the currency with which we used to purchase all the good times when that person was still here. I learned what is like for my soul to be embraced by a heart that is greater than mine.”
I was very sorry to hear this news, Frank. Praying for the family.
Beautifully written. I love that parof remaining a good person, even when bad things happen. That is the best way to remember him and live on. *hugs, Doc
Great entry! Thank u
Sorry for your loss.
i had a similar thought when my friend D passed away not long ago. thanks for putting into words what i was thinking oppa.
“How do we remain good people when bad things happen?”
A thousand times, yes. Your friend lived his life so beautifully, to impress his smile and warmth to everyone he met. Not all of us do that.
That is a thought-provoking quote. I’m really sorry to hear about what happened.
This was greatly written. I’m deeply sorry about your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
now that hubby and i have had to deal with the loss of his father, i know what you mean….you having lost your father before, too! it’s not the same, i think, if you haven’t had to experience some loss personally…not that that makes you not feel any less for someone. but i think it is different if you have had to deal directly. sigh. very well written frank and i send you condolences. it’s just not fair, right? i’m still angry and upset about the loss of papa g. sigh. oh well. big hugs and blessings to you, dear….
@ms_coco - @misajour - @youngvan - @h1t5uj1 - @BumbleBoTuna - @ButYouSeeTheRealMe - @winspark - @kbabe44 - @HonestlyWitty - @petitetokio - @eciila - @Roadlesstaken - @iiflyhigh - Thanks, everyone.
@wutuwaitn4 - Wu, is it just me or are you becoming ginormous? You look like a 24 hr fitness meathead! (That’s a compliment, in that context!)
@angelahappydot - I know it was so sad to hear about your father-in-law! That pic of your hubby with your daughter said it all. Everytime I read about someone losing a parent I get flashbacks.
I am so sorry for your loss. :[
My condolences…
You write a better post about a friend who has passed on, better than I do. One of my ex-classmates passed away last year from brain cancer, which totally broke my heart. I will always remember him, and will always love him in my heart.
@addyorable - =( Sorry to hear about your classmate! Sigh…