On Dying Young.

This past Christmas weekend someone died suddenly and unexpectedly.  Being of similar age to myself, he was still in the prime of his life.  As a physician I learned a long time ago how to disconnect myself somewhat from the outcomes of my patients. This is not to say that I have become some monolithic doctor who cares no more for my patients than I would for some stranger on the other side of the world.  (If you do not believe me, ask my wife what happens whenever I come home after a patient dies.)   Paradoxically it is the opposite.  I partially shield myself so that I can still maintain a warm heart for those around me and the patients who remain, for a heart can only bleed so much before it ceases to beat.  But for this, I bled on Jesus’s birthday and am still bleeding now.

We always find that sudden and unexpected deaths happen to other families, but not this time.  We always expect that the young should never die, but not this time.  We always believe that the ones we love will never leave, but not this time.

When my father died years ago I quickly learned that there is no solace to be found in words and that physical comfort by others in the form of a hug or pat on the back is as ephemeral as it is skin deep.  I learned that knowing how or why is no better salve than any sinful substance.  I learned that the world is a cruel and unfair place.  But I also learned, truly learned, what it meant to love and be loved.  I learned that the pain we feel is the currency with which we used to purchase all the good times when that person was still here.  I learned what is like for my soul to be embraced by a heart that is greater than mine.

In times like these it is common to ask, “Why do bad things happen to good people?”  However, the more salient question is, “How do we remain good people when bad things happen?” for it is in the pursuit of the answer to that question that we find victory in a world designed for entropy and despair.  That victory is found when the hearts of the company that we keep remain true when all else does not; it is found when we hold on to our humanity by choosing to love rather than hate; and it is found when we realize that we do not need to wait until we reach heaven to touch the face of God, for His face has been pressed against ours all along.

I do not know why he died so young, so unfair, so unjust.  But I know that he was always warm and welcoming to anyone in his path.  I know that his smile will always live on in my memories.  I know that he will never be forgotten.  And I know that we can still love and feel loved by him until the end of our days.

We miss you.