April 1, 2008
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Tell or don’t tell.
So the other day while The Franksabunch™ was in line at Safeway, The Wife™ whispered in my ear, “That woman’s zipper is open, should we tell her?” So, dear subbers and stalkers, put away the dishes and the Yahtzee, it’s time to play….
TELL OR DON’T TELL!
Open zipper
There’s a reason why God invented underwear…to prevent us from seeing the Netherlands when people walk around with their zippers open. The nice thing about being a woman is that wahines, for some reason, have a free pass to crossing lines of intimacy usually reserved for family, spouses and proctologists. Therefore, wahines can walk up to a female stranger and tell her that her fly is open without any fear of retribution. Unfortunately, I’m not a woman, so I’m not afforded that privilege. I would not want a woman (or man, heaven forbid), thinking that I was staring at his or her crotch! You either come across as a pervert or as a, well, pervert and will either get hit or hit on. DON’T TELL!
Stink breath
The benefit of personal space is that non-intimate acquaintances tend to respect it and stay out. The downside of personal space is that it is exactly that…space, and not a wall, so things like Dr. Phil’s feigned morality and a coworker’s bad breath can penetrate through it and make you physically ill. But what to do when the person next to you has breath that stinks more than a reality show starring a former Brady Bunch kid? Well, in this case not saying anything can be harmful to your health, so tell that person to get some gum or move their bum to another seat! TELL!
Booger
Nothing can entrance me like seeing a booger trying to emancipate itself from someone’s nostril. I can’t help but stare at it when the person is talking to me. But what do you do? There is no nice way of saying, “booger” in the workplace, is there? Neither can you motion with subtlety to let them know (unless you consider sticking your own finger up your nose subtle) without embarrassing them to no end. And, pray tell, what do you expect that person to do if you do say something? What if said person digs his nose and then offers to shake your hand when saying goodbye? Luckily, like football players trying to pass you in premed, boogers are usually outside of striking distance and have little risk of reaching you, so keep quiet and take 2 steps back. DON’T TELL!
Toilet paper stuck to the shoe
Like nerds dating hot wahines and David Hasselhoff looking sexy, the toilet paper stuck to the shoe is something I’ve only seen in movies. But let us assume that this actually happens to someone you know. You actually don’t have to say anything. You could just go ninja and step on the TP when the person walks by you to create separation. However, remember that for two dry things to stick together there must be something moist in between, which in this case is either urine or feces! So unless you want your shoe to smell like the Manhattan subway, have that person remove their own TP. TELL!
Best friend is settling by dating someone that is a bad match
If your best friend was about to get run over by a car, would you push him out of the way and risk bodily injury to yourself, or would you let him get run over and save your own skin? TELL!
Just remember, folks…as the saying goes, “The truth shall set you free, unless the truth causes body fluids to be spilled on you in which case you should run for cover.”
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I had a chance to watch Planet BBoy, a documentary that follows certain crews as they prepare for the Battle of the Year. I highly recommend it. It not only shows some insane in the membrane bboying, but also delves into their personal lives. For those of you from the “Chosun” land (aka Korea), you’ll find it extra touching (well, my wife did). It is showing in very limited engagements, however! (Check the website, but also call local theaters because I’m seeing discrepancies online about show dates.) Here’s the trailer:
And for those of you who want to practice your head spinning at work:
Have a great week!
Comments (38)
That video is pretty rad!
some of these should contain the caveat: tell then duck.
Responding to your comment…
Public library computer areas: creepy! Any commentary by the esteemed Franks is always welcomed. : )
Would you tell a friend that the reason why guys aren’t climbing over each other to get to her is because she needs a major attitude adjustment?
funny intro to that video… impressing the ladies.
LOL!!!
how about food stuck between someone’s teeth? i usually keep my mouth shut on all of the above except the toilet paper.
my co-worker, who’s a lady, had her zipper down one time. it was hilarious.
weird–im the opposite on the first three…i pretty much “tell” on everything except smells…i dunno how to say anything abt bad smells w/o embarrassing the other person. i mean, how do u tell someone u dunno very well–nicely–that they have bad breath?
LMFAOLMFAOLMFAOLMFAO.
Have you ever farted in an elevator when it was just you and another person?
That’s embarassing.
And funny.
Open zipper – I’d tell
Stinky breath – I don’t tell but I offer a gum
Booger – depending on who the person is, I might tell
Toilet paper – I’d tell
Best Friend – I’d most likely tell… (maybe)
I pretty much can’t have a thought without sharing it, so I’d tell on all those things.
i would tell for all the above!
u can also add “something stuck in your teeth” & “needing to wipe your face b/c of food”
i saw a dude wipe off another dude’s booger with his bare hands once, in a highschool pe class. they were weird.
random comment: zipper-tell, breath-only if they’re my best friend and they ask me if it smells, booger- i’d give them a tissue and tell them to blow their nose (and i wouldnt shake their hand afterwards), toilet paper-tell, best friend- tell ‘em
yes, no, yes, yes, yes!
i’d rather people tell me yes for everything. i want the truth!
tell !
Some things I’d tell, others I would depending on who they were. Then I have pet peeves. I have a really bad habit of making faces and I am unaware of it (usually it is in disgust at a pet peeve).
Once a visiting pastor had an unzipped fly. But there was no debate; no one told. (What are you to do? Raise your hand, in the middle of church, and say, “excuse me, but could you zip your pants, please?”) Needless to say, I had never seen so many people blush during one sermon =D
You’re welcome! I randomly found your site and was reading up on the AB”r”DC conspiracy things. And you have interesting posts, too.
Hey Frank,
How do I post up a YouTube video? was having trouble finding it in the FAQs
Nevermind, got it figured out.
It’s a Chinese Tradition to keep yo’ mouth shut unless it affects your health : )
Now, unless the chick’s got a habit of not wearing undies like britney or lindsay lohan, with “weird continents” in that area, it’s not dangerous enough to say something… so you’re right, saying something would make her embarassed and wonder if you’ve been staring, and how long you’ve been staring etc.
I tend to tell ppl about the boogers all the time…cuz it’s funny.
As for the gum, it IS bad for your health, so it’s easier to just be proactive and OFFER gum.
PS. Justice was NOT served at ABDC, most internet viewers didn’t get the show they wanted (Kaba vs Jabba)…and we know why it’s like that now, because the last episode would not have worked out if it was West Coast vs West Coast. Either way, SQ got their butts handed to them in a silver plate.
Breaksk8 didn’t do much…but they DID make awesome videos of cute Yuri and Tony’s magical fingers (which still drives me crazy cuz I can’t figure out what he’s doing)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=eagSVHBHckI
jean’s moving back to sf. how are you and yisu doing?? i’m going to sd for a conference this week. but let me know when you guy are free and we’ll do dinner yah?
I’d tell… but you probably already knew that.
Thans for your comment!Frank.
Thanks for your comment! Frank..
yes, koreans are the most talented asian race of them all…and the hottest. thanksbye.
i tend to be that if it doesn’t really affect me, i don’t think too much about it, if it’s a stranger.
Hi Franksabunch . . . is your name frank?
Thanks for your answer a while back – it really helped – especially the part about grandpa’s delirium/confusion due to the effects of being in a hospital environment. This week we are doing end of life care at school and I’m actually learning all about that =P I’m going back to Van next week to visit him and helpfully put my medical knowledge of end of life/palliative care notes to good use – I want to hear his stories and spend the time I never really gave to him.
I once heard a physician comment that when ppl comment on their lives they always regret not spending enough time with their loved ones, and never about work or hobby etc. Yet for me at least friends/families are often compromised to read that extra bit about vasculities for that exam ……..
So to update he does have cancer and its stage 4 with probably 6 mth left. The news was sudden and a lot of shifts have taken place at home physically and mentally/emotionally. But so far the Canadian health care system haven’t failed (except for the stupid GP who didn’t diagnose anything wrong with grandpa for the last year – it was us that sent him to the emerg eventually . . .) …. there was the home care nurse when he came home briefly and now he’s in palliative care. Prior to that there was good continum of integrated care b/w the hospital and the cancer centre. I realize how important support is to a family with someone ill . . . it really hits home how medicine goes beyond the technicalities of the illness and the art of medicine and the treatment of the person goes beyond the management of the acute physical problems.
What do you feel about the US health care system?
Thanks again for your email – it really helped a lot =)
The sound isn’t caused by something coming out of a hole, but by something going in. *smirk
funny vid =P
ryc: I think that some people fail to realize, or understand, a hot girl’s position in life. She can’t win no matter what. If she’s nice then the guy thinks that she likes him or he becomes infatuated with her. If she ignores him then he thinks that she is stuck up or worse. Guys hate on hot girls just like females hate on hot girls. I think that I am going to get myself a new “best friend”…called a dog.
TELL ALL!
BSG FTW
Try jazz if the old formula isn’t working. Not that elevator crap, either. John Coltrane is worthy (or any of the artists that take an old song and improvise it for 6+ minutes).
I CAN’T BELIEVE FROSTY IS GONE!!
AT 44!!
ryc: They are being very supportive. The decision is a very personal one and those on both sides only want what is best for me. Both sides have valid points and will support whatever I end up expressing outwardly, but until I do that they are both stumping hard for their option.
I don’t think I could tell a complete stranger and I probably wouldn’t want a complete stranger telling me either. That way, when I get in my car to go home, I will notice my gaping fly and feel mortified but then relieved that since no one pointed it out, mebbe no one noticed. Then I’d go merrily along my way home.
rycs: Thanks SO much for the recommendations! I’m so excited to go and try the yummy Hawaiian food, shaved ice, Bubbies, malasadas, yummy Japanese food…and lots of outdoor activities like hiking and snorkeling of course (so I can eat more bubbies, shaved ice, malasadas etc).