March 24, 2008

• Deal or no deal.

   

  So last week The Franksabunch™ went to watch a free (woop! woop!) screening of 21 (a fantastic movie) and The Wife™ wanted popcorn, so guess who went to get some?  Anyway, I walked up to the counter and….

   

  F.bunch:  How much is the #3 combo (med drink and med popcorn)?

  Girl: $10.50.

  F.bunch: [raises eyebrow after a quick math calculation] But if I buy them separately it’s still the same price?

  Girl: Yes, $10.50.

  F.bunch:

   

  What the frijoles, man?!  I somehow doubt that when most people order one of the 6 snack combos they are unaware that they are not really getting a deal.  At least at McDonalds you save 20 cents or so with an extra value meal!

   

  All of this made me wonder…how often in life do we realize that we are not getting the deal we signed up for?  So, dear subbers and stalkers, here is The Franksabunch’s guide to “deal or no deal” on middle Earth.

   

  Veggie Burgers

  Do you really think that you’re eating healthy when you order a veggie burger?  Well, you’re not, unless that veggie burger is made up of sawdust and grass.  To compensate for the forfeited taste, the producers throw in fat and sugar.  (Just like an episode of The View.  Ouch!)  Eating a veggie burger is like walking into a strip club blindfolded…you may think you have no guilt but you still end up in nutritional/spiritual purgatory.  NO DEAL!  (On that note, I’ve never met a vegetarian who was ripped…they always have soft bodies.)

   

  Plastic surgery

  Everyone likes a good-looking man or woman, but if God made it small, then God made it small!  Many guys say that they don’t mind dating a girl with a plastic face as long as she looks like pre-Federline Britney, but remember…get in her jeans and your children will get her genes.  Marry for love, not looks, homies.  And to my wonderful wahines out there, remember that confidence grows from the inside out and not the other way around.  Marrying a girl who had plastic surgery is like marrying a druggie…one day you’ll wake up and find that all of your children look like Amy Winehouse.  NO DEAL!

   

  

  Look, it’s the illegitimate love child of Eminem and the lead singer from Twisted Sister!  (I kid.  I kid.  She needs to go to rehab!)

   

  The Presidential Election

  Obama’s associates have been plagued by accusations of racism and invasion of privacy.  McCain used a racial slur targeted at Vietnamese people.  Hillary Clinton is, well, Hillary Clinton.  (Dearest Colin Powell and Elizabeth Dole, where art thou when thou country needest thou!)  Think your vote was for a great candidate?  A vote in this year’s election is like a contest of who can eat the most beans…no matter who wins, we all lose!  NO DEAL!

   

  Tax exemptions

  I used to think that claiming a low amount of tax exemptions was a good thing, because it led to a nice check from Uncle Sam in April.  However, when you think about it, it’s better to get more money upfront and, if need be, pay back the IRS later in the spring, is it not?  At least that way the money can collect interest in your bank account instead of languishing in the government’s coffers or used to purchase $40,000 toilet seats in Washington, D.C.  Getting a tax rebate from the IRS is like sending a steak back to the kitchen…you’re going get a meal with someone else’s saliva already on it!  NO DEAL!

   

  Franksabunch™

  This guy’s posts have become boring since he got married.  But at least it’s still free to visit!  DEAL!

   

  Have a great week!  Don’t forget to floss daily (especially with those veggie burgers)!

  ———-

  Final thoughts on America’s Best Dance Crew

  • Status Quo: I thought it was only appropriate that they did their final act dressed up as circus clowns because, really, that’s what their performances are like.  Did you see the smirks on their faces before the “vote” was revealed?  They knew it was rigged.
  • JabbaWockeeZ:  Epic.  That headspin at the end was insane! 
  • Kaba Modern:  They killed it as well (amazing what you can do when MTV doesn’t change your music the night before!).  I liked how they finished their routine by turning their backs to the judges, since this competition is a sham.  (Anyone else besides me notice that?)
  • This week:  The finale is this Thursday.  (Kaba and maybe some other groups will perform for fun.)  I’m hoping with all the internet uproar about the rigging of ABDC that Randy Jackson and company will let it be a real competition in order to purchase some credibility. 

  Edit: Status Quo has been rumored to have stolen many of their routines from the hitting crews that populate and frequent Boston.  And this photo, the authenticity of which I cannot verify (but you can find it on the SQ facebook page), has been floating around of purported SQ members wearing a certain familiar mask.  What the hecka?!  And here’s another article that’s interesting regarding an MTV executive’s comments about SQ (favoritism?), and how MTV has been paying all of SQ’s expenses.

  • 10:11 am
  • 53 Comments