October 22, 2007
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eHarmony.bomb
It’s true what they say about married people.
Once you get married, you live vicariously through your single friends, playing matchmaker like Tom Brady plays quarterback. *Raises hand to admit guilt* It’s not a hard thing to do, what with eHarmony.com commercials playing every 5 minutes on TV. (If I have to see another Yahoo Match commercial with Dr. Phil I'm going to flagellate myself with a frozen herring.) My friend once told me that eHarmony is not for attractive people and is instead marketed towards the “average” American. The proof for this pudding is in the aforementioned commercials…how many of the testimonials come from mujeres y muchachos muy caliente? And this got me thinking…
How often does an eHarmony.com match turn into an eHarmony.bomb?
Online dating no longer carries the stigma it once did—a prowling ground for possessed and repressed librarians with horns and horn-rimmed glasses, men with more nipples than nostrils, wahines with more nostrils than nipples, and that poor guy from Total Recall with Kuato growing in his belly (free Mars…for all the mutated single people!)—and is now socially acceptable.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of people who found their happily-ever-afters (HEA) through online dating, but is it any easier? The problem with the butterflies stage online is that we miss out on 80% of who that other person is…the real person hiding behind instant messenger away messages and xanga comments, and as a result we fill in the gap with romanticized idealizations which are, more often than not, more fiction than fact. But that’s not the real reason why I think eHarmony.com in 10 years from now will turn out to be eHarmony.bomb when a lot of those marriages fail.
If you are single, there is a reason why you are single.
No, this does not mean all people who are single are that way because they are ugly, smell like wet dog or have a gap in between their front teeth that would make even Old Testament Moses proud. Sometimes people are too busy, picky, career oriented, or have certain nonnegotiables like race or religion. And sometimes they or their potential HEA candidates possess certain quirks that cause a split of Steinbrenner-Torre proportions. I was single for a long time before finding the one who would loves me for who I am and not who I am supposed to be, and it wasn’t because I was a weirdo. (Okay, maybe just a little weird, and she hasn't found out about my third nostril yet.
)It’s a brave, new world, dear subbers and stalkers, but the barriers that were there before the foray into casting an inter-net in the proverbial sea for the proverbial fish are still there today because, after all, people are still people. If people who meet in traditional ways get divorced, then so will those who meet on MyDesperateSpace.com, INeedAFriendster.com, ScaryFaceBook.com, AsianHoochieMamaAvenue.com and, yes, eHarmony.bomb. (Please don’t try the faux websites I wrote, they may not be real or might lead to something sinful!) It may have expanded your options for searching, but hasn't necessarily made it easier.
So what is the solution? I am not saying that meeting potential HEAs online is a bad thing. I need more than two hands to count the number of xangans I have met in real life, some of whom I count as good friends and would be there for them if they needed me, but they became that way because of who they are, and not how we met. Likewise, the secret to preventing an eHarmony.bomb is written in bold two paragraphs before this one, no matter how you meet them.
Oh, and don't forget to google their names to make sure they don’t have 3 nostrils or 3 nipples.
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And another thing about getting married is that it ruins your xanga mojo. Since I got hitched my comments have dipped about 50-75%. My wife calls me an ajushi (Edit: I think it means "old man" in Korean, prob spelled it wrong) now that we’re married…I guess she’s right in more ways than one…bwahahaha!
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Go Hawaii Warriors! One of 5 college football teams still undefeated!
Comments (48)
only you would make the verb "flagellate"
what is an ajushi?
i think making friends on xanga is different than looking for potential HEAs. hi frank! *waves* I haven't talked to you in forever! I'll be there in Dec 14-30! Will you be around so we can hang out? you bring your HEA and I'll bring mine
i know a few people who have met through online sites like eharmony and match and they're happy. i think that while the vast majority probably need to be single because they're wholly unmatchable, but a handful of others will make it work. that being said... i am like one of those eharmony commericals! right after spud and i called it quits, i tried out eharmony and was rejected. go figure.
Well I met mine on match.com and next month is our 3 years anniversary and I am hopign your 10 year prophecy doesn't apply to us!
I am weary of online dating just because I can't even trust the guys I meet in real life, let alone someone who can create a potentially fake profile!
The only online-anything I do is Xanga. Don't worry, Frank. Those of us who still comment appreciate your, quality, entries rather than the fact that you are taken. =)
Ditto to SillyAngel's question what is an ajushi?
I think people are single because they have come to believe the lines the media feeds them, that they are the center of the universe, that love means being happy all the time, and that their feelings are the only ones that matter.
As I have aged I have found that I am actually very happy being old and crotchety. So if I end up single and unmarried then at least I will know where the dishes got put away and the towels will always be folded right. Just being honest. ;o)
because now that all the girls know that you're taken, they know they have no chance. so they all stopped commenting. -= P
How ironic, my pastor at the church I attend will be doing a sermon on specifically eHarmony next week! I'll let you know about it.
self-flagellation with a frozen herring... you're the bomb!
i've tried the online dating through match.com and all i got were guys who never read my profile or interests. *sigh* but now i did find someone who takes in all my tantrums and crying. =D
Haha - yay for repressed [teenaged] librarians [such as myself]!! Of course some of us deny the fact that we are, indeed, librarians..
Beautifully said, Frank. Most people I know have had better success with match.com. E-harmony just has this weird stigma that it's for older people.
Oh you married people, what do you know!
one of my friend met her husband 6 years ago in freeblowjobs.com or some ridiculous prank site like that. They have been happily married for 2 years now!
youtube the flagellation. =)
Online dating is pretty popular in India too.
Muhaha! You ARE an ajushi! But I suppose that makes your wahine an ajuma. Old folk...
Too funny, Dr. Frank!
I've always like your "HEA" term.
Finding someone that'll love you "not for who your supposed to be". I'm still looking, man...
K I got a story, cuz! My friend from college is now engaged to his eHarmony match!!
I've always been wary of online relationships, precisely because you don't really know who's on the other end. The last thing I need is an online predator after me or mine, let alone one with three nipples!
BTW, I still enjoy reading your blog, even if you are a married old man.
Thanks for outting the rest of us single guys... I might as well stop covering up my supernumerary nipples with makeup. If any of those made-up website exist, I'm signing up....
You missed GiveMeAHi5.com!
I met my wife through Friendster when it was THE social networking site (man that was a long time ago). It turned out that we went to the same college, had the same major, took the same classes, and had the same friends to begin with, even though we never actually met each other in person. Like what you said, any marriage can end in divorce, but personally I consider myself lucky that I was an early adopter of this whole online dating thing.
I actually strongly disagree with you. I think you underestimate these eHarmony relationships, as well as other relationships formed from these websites. There are a lot of reasons why people are single, not just because they're unattractive. One of the reasons why a lot of people are single is because they may be social awkward or get nervous for no reason when it comes to meeting potential dates (go nerds!). Another is the fact that a lot of people out there are just unique and require a certain someone that might be difficult to find under normal circumstances. On top of that, a LOT of people base a lot of what they think about another person on first impressions, and i think a lot of people who may have a lot to offer as a partner are shut out in these cases. I think eHarmony and other dating websites to various degrees are actually very helpful because they help get past these things, esp. the first impression obstacle, and thus, make it a lot easier. A lot of these relationships and marriages that are forged on these websites work out well. eHarmony seems to be very good in particular because of their vaunted 29-point personality test. It is pretty damn effective.
Also, there are quite a few lookers on eHarmony. I'm not kidding, they look good...
yep...ajushi.
i'll let you live vicariously through me.
I think I told you I met my bf on Xanga. But then again, Xanga isn't a dating site and he and I never thought we'd like each other more than just friends, but we did. I'm one of those busy/career-oriented people who just never really had time to date. Or maybe I am picky. =P Besides the online conversations, you have to be able to connect in person, because you're not marrying and living with an online persona. You just have to see who's fake and who's the real deal.
I was pretty wary of online dating because omgosh the Internet is a scary place! But if you're cautious and have an open-mind, it can work. For some people. Luckily, I found someone who wasn't a stalker/predator/creepy old man. Yup, I'm pretty lucky. And I'm sure so is your wife. =)
hehe i still enjoy reading your site even though you're off the market. the first time i spoke to my fiance was thru icq as friends, then we went hanged out later on. we were friends for a yr before we become a couple. how did u meet your wife?
oh yea. i forgot to say that sometimes my single friends' lives seem more interesting than mine.
go rainbow warriors!!!!!
Yes, ajushi is more of a "middle-aged man"...
I think married couples can be a detriment to their single friends if they have wrong motives for matchmaking. If married couples are doing it just because they want their single friends to be "as happy as they", then that may cause some problems. This is because some singles are in a better position being single at that time, for a variety of reasons (like maturity, mental stability, etc.).
Tom Brady used to live a few minutes from my house...until he met Gisele.
haha, i sorta know what you're talking about because i live vicariously through my single friends. about the job thing, that's a story that requires an in person or on the phone description. give me a call and i'll tell you about it! haha, kenny said he saw you at the med center. watch out for him please!
AMEN, frankster. preach it.
maybe you would get more comments if you posted pics of the beautiful bride. try it!
you're married? i guess me being off xanga for some time.
Now you get a better idea who your real fans are vs those who commented because they liked you for your body.
I was on eharmony...that's how I met my Vinny...so far, we're one of the "success" stories. Hope I'm not doomed in 10 years! LOL. I actually liked eharmony better then the other sites I looked at. There were a few duds that I was matched...but I think I just got lucky. It's all about timing...online dating or not, it's all about being in the right place at the right time.
Oh and I'm pretty sure you are right. Ajushi is the term for Old man. Ajhuama (might be spelling it wrong) is the term for old lady! But don't tell Mrs. Franksabunch that you learned that from me! hm...a guest post from the Mrs. might be fun
match me, matchmaker!
get me a TD for my fantasy league!
i can't really explain why your readers decreased but you do talk about your wife in every post (like i predicted). justlike chrischoi after he got married. but i don't know how much of a secret he kept before. you didn't even announce engagement and atleast mention fiance every 2nd post. it's like wham bam!! personally i just find it weird when people talk about being married so much. it's lke it's a shocker to them. "wow i didn't know my wife was _______". it's like god do you like NEVER see her or something?! i have 17 year old students who see each other every day for more than a few hours & wear each other's pyjamas!! life after marriage isn't that different in this day and age unless you're amish.
ehehehe... you ajushi. xanga manga always should be colla.
"busy, picky, career oriented, or have certain nonnegotiables like race or religion." thats meeeeeeee!
hey... i have a friend who has three nipples!!
heheh, i actually don't go there all that muchie! hope ur well F...
talk to you laters..
hahah happa kids! dude, it was good seeing you the other night! didnt know you played there! i just randomly came by invite so it was my first time obviously. see you monday!
Hey, I hope you don't mind me subscribing you =) I love reading your posts!
you create a valid point, but i think these online sites do have their perks as well. the online world has opened up so many doors to many different venues so why not your social/private life? i agree that it is quite daunting (esp. for women) and i've met my fair share of weirdos, but if you're cautious, things can definitely go your way. =)
btw, those faux sites are pretty clever.
btw, i randomly clicked on your page from one of the feature pages and felt i had to comment.
ryc: she was a b movie star. her cape was on but you couldn't really see it and she had some vampire bites on the other side of her neck.
does e-harmony really work? none of my friends had success with it...maybe its cuz i have weird picky friends.
*completely off topic - I didn't read your post*
You shouldn't be up so late...you've got work or studying to do!
LOL, just saw you in my footprints. I haven't had a chance to reply to your last comment to me, but thanks for leaving it.
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