August 7, 2007
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Dear Mr. Imbecile,
This letter is in regards to the incident this past weekend when I was walking through downtown Palo Alto with a female companion and you went up to her and said, “ni hao,” which I’m assuming was your attempt at saying “hello” in Mandarin.
I sincerely regret missing that. I remember hearing you mangle that phrase in Mandarin like the phrase was scientology and you were Tom Cruise, but wasn’t aware that you had directed it at the wahine next to me until she told me 2 blocks later. I regret missing it because you lost out on the opportunity of getting a little educational lesson from yours truly. A little peek as to why you always have to go home to an empty house.
I’m not sure what your intent was in trying to say “ni hao” to her. Were you trying to be funny? I mean, you were funny (funny looking, that is), but I don’t think that it was in good taste. Would you walk up to an African American woman and say, “jambo jambo *clack* *clack* [*clack* being that tongue/cheek smacking sound],” would you? You wouldn’t walk up to a Latino female and say, “yo quiero taco bell, hot mami,” would you?
Were you trying to be cute? Trying to woo the mysterious China Doll who will love you long time when she's not too busy binding her feet? Lesson #1 in dating…cute is for teddy bears and not for men. And here’s a little helpful hint that I’ll throw in for free…most Asian women do not find the Magnum P.I. chest afro attractive. You need to shave like an NBA referee.
Were you trying to be intelligent? Well, Mr. Smarty Panties, lesson #2 in dating…Asian women are not stupid. Or that easy. They’re not going to be impressed that you somehow managed to google “hello in Chinese” and then busted out your little brother's hooked on phonics set. Oh, and if you really were that smart you would’ve noticed that she wasn’t Chinese. You should be counting your lucky stars that she didn’t kung fu hai-YAH your rocky mountain oysters into an omelet with a side of hash that used to be your flat buttocks.
Just be careful, homeboy. I’m just looking out for your safety because I’m going to tell all my fine Asian wahines out there on xanga some ways they can respond to the next guy who comes up to them and says, “ni hao.”
- This is America, hablas ingles, muchacho muy feo.
- Sprechen Sie Deutsch, du splitternakt hasslich Schwackopf? [Do you speak German, butt nekkid ugly idiot? Thanks to Jaywalkers for the butt nekkid ugly and OCRosie for the correction!!]
- Knee how? Knee like this! *swift knee to the groin*
- I’m sorry, come again? I don’t speak ignorant.
It’s not that I’m against interracial relationships or yellow fever. I grew up chasing after hapa girls, so the more couples like that the merrier. And unlike some insecure Asian men, I don’t get upset when I see an Asian girl with a guy who isn’t Asian. After all, if I’m not interested in that particular girl, why should I care who she’s dating? I’m just against eeeeediots who have forgotten that Asian women deserve to be respected as much as they do being treasured.
Learn that lesson, my dear gaijin, and you just might find an Asian girl that will in fact love you long time.
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Sorry if I sound a little mean spirited...I was just irritated...haha!
This past weekend we also played trampoline dodgeball since S1llyangel408 was in town, and she was able to score me a free.99 CD from 8past!
Nhung, Connie, Radjbo, Jonasapproved, S1llyangel408, F.Bunch (rockin' a feartofaith shirt)
I'm wondering why my X is smaller than Jonasapproved's. (I'm sweating all nasty there...picking on little kids in dodgeball is hard work!)
And just to leave you with a disturbing image that will haunt you the rest of the week...
Gulliver ain't got nothin' on meeeeeeeeee!
Have a great week! I'm out like #755!
Comments (59)
FIRST! WHOA!!
ni hao, frank, ni hao
oh, i mean, trampoline dodgeball?! it rocks, right? it has to...
Haha, when Tom Cruise was trying to yell in Mandarin in Mission: Impossible 3...
Oh Frank you know I love you, and I agree with you on this issue both ways (Asian guys who hook me at clubs need lessons too) but I do need to correct your German.
"Sprechen Sie Deutsch, du splitternakt hasslich Schwackopf?"
And trampoline dodgeball sounds like a blast.
oh thats hilarious.
i always get Konnichiwa and i don't even look bloody japanese!!
thanks for the come-backs though. i usually just give them death glares or blurt out obscenities. next time it will be much more wittier.
Word up. guys who do that *are* irritating!!!!!!!
ryc: I highly doubt it. You once stated that you were in the sucker-free zone; therefore, I am assuming that you tend to watch out for number one - you.
dude.. that always happens to me. so annoying. i jus say to them "u can say hi. i speak english."
i was hecka laughing at the clack clack one!! reminds me of that one african movie, the gods must be watching (i think that's what it's called)
it was good to see you!! i didn't see you leave BJ's. Boooooooo! hope you had fun =)
Ah its all the kool Xangans haha.
I need to borrow some of your hair and your muscles and your charm.. Lucky you didn't have to show him those guns.. LOL.. ignorant peeps make me laugh...
haha i like your responses. i may have to use some of those lines. also, yay 8past!
You still have to capitalize it like in my comment for it to be correct German. Still even if your German sucks you are one of my favorite crazy Asians.
P ;o)
hahaha dammit i almost spit out my plum reading that. knee how? knee like this! hahahaha! classic!
soooo, right on! speak it, brother! i wish every guy can read your entry. the world would be a much better place.
haah what was that hole for?!
Too bad there aren't more guys like you, franksabunch. LOL.
hah.... some jealous rage?
haha- and omg- is there a competition to be your first commenter on xanga now?? not that i would be surprised...
ah boo! you shoulda made it to lunch. i didn't plan on coming for dodgeball cuz thought most of you will be there earlier in the afternoon. glad you all had a good time though!
Most people are mo-rons who don't know any better. too bad you missed it!
i've met imbeciles like that.
my first reaction is annoyance
then i figure i'll never see
that person again shrug it off.
hey doc have you been playing with
the happy gas? *points at small x photo*
haha...is this dedicated to me?? well, i hardly see the irritated side of franksabunch, interesting indeed.
p.s. what on earth is the last asian squatter picture??
u sure he wasnt trying to pick YOU up?
"I grew up chasing after hapa girls" because you know we're the best, right?
check your email! i'm coming up this weekend and next, but this weekend i'm only there for about 16 hours.
RYC (theworshipcafe): I have, of course, thought through that approach towards, and I honestly don't know what Jesus would say. I feel like the common reaction is far more based on cultural taboo and misunderstanding than it is a Biblical worldview. When I consider it on a practical level, cutting doesn't seem very bad at all. There are no long-term effects, and there is no real damage done to my body -- the only effects are incredibly minimal bloodloss and a considerable release of endorphans and other chemicals in my brain. I think a lot of the instinct to do that sort of thing comes from the fact that we, as humans, weren't designed to live cushy middle-class lives. In other parts of the world, pain is a necessary component of daily life. When I'm at work (I work in fast food), and I accidentally get burned from oil from the fry pit, is that sinful? It triggers a release of stress, and my energy (adrenaline) goes up almost immediately. It keeps me focused and sharp, and does no long-term damage to me. I really think people were designed to have a certain amount of pain in their lives, and that it has positive effects. It's just that my American lifestyle doesn't meet those needs, and I sometimes feel compelled to meet them in an artificial way -- cutting. If you care to discuss things more, feel free to message me!
I meet imbeciles all the time in that case. Hmm, I never understood that "ni hao" thing, I just assumed maybe it was just some people's way of showing how culturally educated they are, heh.
Responding to your comment...
Yeah, I definitely like Clive Owen, way back when I used to watch those BMW movies. I would've liked to have seen him be the next Bond after Pierce Brosnan but Daniel Craig did a good job Casino Royale.
I think the movie s1illyangel is referring is The Gods Must Be Crazy. Great anthopological movie and hilarious too.
Honestly. If you're going to commit one phrase of a language to memory in order to hit on people, make it an interesting one. For a long time the only phrases I knew in Chinese were "Don't you look down on me!" and "That sheep has just stolen some toilet paper!" (former was from a Singaporean nationalist song my aunt had a tape of; latter... I don't know how or why I knew that!). Neither were ever used to hit on anyone; but at least they'd make a slighty less creepy/ more interesting venue of language to initiate conversation. But then these things should only ever be attempted if you know for sure the target is fluent enough in the language in question to understand your likely complete mangling of the phrase.
When I was young and stupid I once tried to impress a Viet friend by saying something in Viet to him that I remembered my Viet aunt saying when I was young. Too bad neither English nor Indonesian have tones; and too bad I thus can't do tones at all. My attempt to tell him he was special had him asking why I wanted to eat something. Another time my Viet friend told me to tell the Viet waitress in the Viet restaurant that we're ready to leave now, and my sad attempt had her reply, "You're afraid of me? Why? What did I do?" And I'm a half Asian. Imagine the damage a Marco Polo could do!
you lost weight! me too! 10% holla!!
i think the key is ni hao "mah?" or perhaps he should have said, "wo ai ni, sucky sucky"....yeah i definitely think the latter would have been better. ok u can smack me now.
frank i applaud this entry wholeheartedly. I just encountered something like this recently.. well not exactly this but maybe even a bit worse. I just xanga'd like crazy about it recently so if you take a look at that, you can probably understand why I seriously give you props for writing this. ignorance really is mind-boggling sometimes.
Mike's genre is nu-metal no?
LMAO at your post
Nice "chatting" with you!
haha
i don't speak ignorant
hope mr imbecile reads this
ryc: I like it as well. =)
i love it when people are surprised that i speak english well. LOVE IT~!!!
that kind of stuff happens so often though. to the point where it's exhausting...even debating, should i just let this one go?
Hey, a sporadic commenter here, leaving you yet another sporadic comment... your xanga cracks me up; I'm subscribing RIGHT NOW.
Funny Stuff. You should hold a seminar for this sort of thing... I think it would be a hit.
ryc: hey! porn is cool
hehe
hehe i want one of those shirts your talking about ><
ryc: eh nightmares? to be scared hehe
You, sir, are a knight in shining armor for writing this. Thank you.
I actually had a guy come up to me and say "ahn nhung ha say yo", then he tried a bunch of other hellos but couldn't come up with the right one. But here's the killer: he couldn't figure out what I was and then asked, "Are you Asian?" I said no. Idiots abound dude.
ryc: Thank you, I was feeling it way down inside when I wrote it. It actually was very close to my heart at that moment. As for the sub... Completely my pleasure
A shower and work calls.....
~Sally
chopstick in his eye! IT'S OKAY! WE'RE ASIAN!
Yeahhhh...Dude 101...there are more dumbasses with wayyy too much undeserved self confidence out there.
Were you looking at a house in that last pic? Those floors look like they'd clean up well. I love older homes.
i don't speak ignorant.. hahah
Tellin' it like it is Frankie. =)
RYC: Thanks. I can't believe it's done. I hope being in practice is much better... sigh.... Only one more year and you can return to A-status.
Hey Franksabunch,
I saw you over at TheWorshipCafe and was wondering if you could explain your comment on the discussion about God being "good"?
You have a brilliant site! You are a very smart person and I have no doubt that your family is proud of you.
Brian
Nah...you didn't sound mad. I was just wondering what your take on the question was. I didn't know which way to read your statement!
LOL. Knee how? LOL!!!!!
yeah, i hate that too.
i hear "ni hao" or "nei ho" or even "you're the most beautiful girl i ever saw" but i just shake it off. i don't like to walk around thinking that every guy who says hi to me is trying to get with me. it's being a bit to egotistical imo.
you look different, i think it's ur hair...:) letting it grow out..
i'll be in oxnard for couple weeks. yes im going to fair! are u going? im gonna see all american rejects w/ jax. u should go too! can u make it that day? oh u may be a lil disappointed bout the hair thing cuz its not as red as before. it was pretty red a month ago, but it's kinda died down a lil and settled into slight auburn. its just somewhat different.
dang did u get my comment? i wrote this long comment and i think xanga deleted it when i tried to add it. =( anyways, i said i was going to the fair to see all american rejects and asked if u could go then too. i also wrote that u may be disappointed with the whole hair thing cuz it kind of died down now. i mean its not as red as when i first dyed it. its kind of settle into an auburn color. well hope to see ya soon. did u enjoy the hula thing?
ok my computer is sooo retarded cuz the first comment just popped up. ai yah! well there now you get 3 comments! sorry for all the confusion.
At last, another Asian man who doesn’t get upset when he sees an Asian girl with a guy who isn’t Asian. Props!
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