February 21, 2007
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Body Fluid Bandits.
So this past weekend I went shopping to pick up supplies to make bibingka and when the Safeway homie bagged my 2 cups of bisquick, etc. in horror I stood there frozen like a Canadian in December as he licked his finger in order to separate the plastic bags. It instantly brought me back to the 3rd grade (when I was only 5'10"
) when my teacher licked her thumb to give me my test paper, leaving a big wet thumbprint in the upper left corner where my name was supposed to be. (To this day I still ask to be held when I think about that moment.) Carrying on...This particular grocery store does not hold true to its inverted name...Safeway does not = Waysafe. Who knows what I could've caught from this guy...influenza, adenovirus, herpes simplex virus, or the worst....cooties!
I've never understood why people don't realize how n.a.s.t. it is for them to do that. I don't think homie would've appreciated me licking Benjamin on the face and then handing it to him to pay for my groceries. It's basically the same thing as him spreading his pestilence all over my egg roll wrappers. I expect to get splashed with body fluids at work but not when I'm purchasing food!
All this got me thinking about all the n.a.s.t. people I've encountered in my lifetime...so rrrrradies and gentrrrmen, I present to you...
The Body Fluid Bandits!
The Gleekers a.k.a. the Salivary Glands.
One of my best homies growing up was this guy named Ed. We went to the same intermediate school and on one particular field trip he kept tormenting me by threatening to dig my nose. He would place his finger right under one of my nostrils as if he would violate me and then laugh and pull it away. Unfortunately for him on his last attempt the bus went over a bump in the road forcing his finger--ZOINK!--up my right nostril. He spent the remainder of the ride in various contortions of disgust, attempting to wipe his finger clean. And since then our friendship has never been the same. Bwa ha ha! But I only mention this because he also had a particular skill.....gleeking, which is being able to open your mouth and eject a projectile stream of saliva from your glands. So in honor of my friend Ed I am naming the aforementioned finger lickers the Gleekers, since what they do is equivalent to gleeking all over you and your personal belongings. Saliva is like your secret that you have a 3rd nipple...it should only be shared with your future wife!
The Gold Miners.
There's a reason why the most n.a.s.t character in the Revenge of the Nerds movie series is named "Booger." It's because boogers are nasty. For some people picking your nose is an occasional necessity, for others it's like they're digging for gold. This one person I once knew always went spelunking with his index finger in front of other people. Now what are you supposed to do when someone like that digs and then hands you something or sticks out his hand for a handshake? Boogers are like having an emo cousin...it's necessary for good health to occasionally bring them out into the sunlight, but better for society if you hide them from everyone.
The Gym Mops.
Besides wahines who chatter incessantly on their cellphones next to you on the elliptical trainers and the guys with no game who want to ball with you on the court (I abhor running with those guys because they increase everyone's risk for injury and you can't Dikembe swat their shots without feeling guilty), the people at the gym who drive me insane in the membrane are those who leave their sweat all over the place. There's nothing worse than finally finding a free bench to use and then finding it looks like a crime scene with someone's body outlined in sweat instead of chalk. (The best is when you can actually make out where the crack between their butt cheeks was.) There's a reason why 24 Hr enforces a must-have-towel policy...it's so you can use it! Sweat is not like Hillary Clinton in an election year...it's not meant to be left behind!
The Bad Santa Clauses.
Remember what your parents used to tell you? That if you were bad this year Santa would leave a lump of coal in your stocking? One particular Bad Santa I knew told me that when he was mad at a friend he'd take a dump in their bathroom and not flush. Not everyone is that malicious, but I can't believe how many times I've went to use the bathroom at work (#1 only) and found scraps! (I sure hope wahine bathrooms aren't afflicted with this, too!) Don't you look into the toilet when you flush to count the corn? Flush it again! Poop is like a Backstreet Boys CD collection...no one else should know that yours exists!
And with that I'm signing off....in saliva, boogers, sweat and poop. Have a great rest of the week!
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Check out this video I found on youtube. Someone spliced together footage to make it seem like the Enterprise (Star Trek) was fighting the Death Star (Star Wars). The video itself is a'ight, but the best part is reading through the comments, as the various Trekkies and LucasFreaks argue about who would really win if they fought in real life (because, you know, they're both real and not fiction).
Comments (40)
so nasty! hahaaha
oh man, this is too good!
i was fine till the poop part, which is ironic given my entry today...huh, who knew...
I think there are deliberate "Santa Clause" out there. These people seem to always pick the most popular stall to have an excremental eruption, so everyone are force to witness their work of defacing public property.
you were going to make babinka?
and sadly, the women's bathroom is not immune to the Santa Clauses. unfortunately, i do believe the women's bathroom is actually even grosser as the women who don't want to sit on the seat when they pee cause they think someone else peed all over the seat, will in fact pee all over the seat themselves...and NOT clean it up.
it's disgusting.
sick!
And I'd like to see you withstand last week's winter storm, Frank! Bringing on a challenge.
ewewew.
women's bathrooms are just as NASTAY! like this one time i think there was loose watery stool bathed in another bodily fluid, and a used fem hygiene pad (very used) on top of the toilet paper roller. sick.
in addition, women seem to miss the bowl when they pee.. ......
Check your email. That is how we used to eat them all the time. Mom would sometimes bake them but pan fried was our favorite. The gizzard, heart, liver etc are aquired tastes (and I don't even know if yours came with them). We used to fight over them.
oh god....this is too much to handle for hump day morning....hahaha
where is my lysol for the mind??
Hahaha - it's so gross when people lick their finger & then whatever they're trying to pick up... eeewww!
The ladies room at my job is pretty gross.. prolly not as bad as the men's but still not what I'd expect.
LOL. Hahaha.
I always thought that it was gross to eat with your hands after dealing with money all day long. I used to work computer shows/fairs where a coworker and I would get lunch, but I was always adamant about washing my hands before I ate. I mean, you dealt with the monies, the dust, and other people's hands (where of course, no doubt, bacteria festers). But my coworker would never wash his hands before eating.
UGH WHAT MEMORIES!
that was the best thing i've read all day.
haha. GROSS entry dude.
...*sob* the poop part and the butt sweat imprints just killed me. altho the emo reference made me laugh again =)
haha. awesome. when i used to work for williams-sonoma, we were picking up tissue paper for this one lady, and my boss liked her finger really lightly to get the paper to come up (the tissue sticks together), and she gave her this dirty look and told her to give her the next bunch. mind you, this was during the christmas rush too, and i thought my boss was going to reach over the counter and strangle her.
this was a great read. esp since i was eating my lunch. yum!
There are NO safeways in florida =(
don't forget blood! i scrub my danskos in peroxide q month. and if trauma call is bad, i refuse to change bloody scrubs cuz they'll get covered with more blood soon enough.
I hate it when i'm smoking and someone i barely know asks for a drag.
then after i get it back, i'm forced to continue smoking inorder to not look like a guy affraid to get cooties.
this happened a few times last semester. it was gross.
baby, wahine bathrooms can be a whole lot n.a.s.t.ER. they can have unidentified bloody floating objects you'd honestly rather not want to know about. but i agree that male restrooms stank a lot more when i was in high school. i had to use the boys room, you see.. yeah, i was into that kinda thing back then.
HAHAHAHA..... actually, the eeekiest thing out of the public restroom is when ppl leave without washing their hands....
hahah i hate it when people don't flush either...
lol at the star wars geeks and trekkers
Frankie I admit I stopped reading at the word " bisquick.."
now fluffy pancakes and biscuts are all I can think about....
HAHA this entry was so funny, luv the frankabunchisms...
i think you'd be surprised at how nasty women's bathrooms can get sometimes...
i used to be so awesome at gleeking
That finger licking thing caused a total AHHHHHHHGAHHHHHEWWWWWAHHHH response. I was at a rest., and the waitress was there with her 2 snotty nosed kids, and they were wrapping flatware in napkins they were licking their fingers to pick them up, then licking the napkin rings to make them stick. I had to leave.
cooties are the worst, well except poop
quite some childhood mental scarings you got there =]
what's bibingka?
HAHhhah HEY man i am NOT sharing my earwax with others! it is safely (plugged) tucked away in my ear canal, much to the detriment of my hearing* And indeed using qtips is not good! it compacts that wax ! (which is probably why my ear plugged).
heheh ahh yesh the wonderful world of bodily wonders!
hahah yeah that bothers me too when someon licks their fingers and uses it to turn a page or separate plastic bags--my eyes zone into where they touched and consciously reminds me to avoid touching it.
ryc: hahahahahhahahaha!
im going to have to forgo reading yr entry right now since im having my afternoon snack. =
i've had persons put their hand out to shake and there were cuts on their hands... dried blood. that really grossed me out.
while i was in the hospital once, a nurse was forcing a tube up my nose in order to later deliver contrast to me. i had taken contrast on ice earlier in the day without vomiting so i told her to let me take it orally. she didn't listen. further, she was shoving the tube down the nostril that was plugged. i was in a horrendous car accident less than 12 hours earlier. i was not feeling well, but i wasn't nauseous either. well, she continued to force the tube and i finally vomited all over her. i was very apologetic and embarassed, but i did think that she deserved it. she then put the tube into my other nasal cavity, and it went in fine. next time, if there's a next time, i will be more assertive about taking the contrast orally.
or how about when someone sneezes and then touches something.
I'm at my GP's Office for a raging earache. Her (or His) assistant, new male nurse, enters the room first to greet me, bp, temp, meanwhile he has fingers in both of his ears, rubbing them like crazy when I said I had a bad ear infection. Then without waiting for the MD or DO, he DOES NOT wash his hands, but grabs one of those disposable otic cones, snaps it on the light and looks in my head. I am squirming like a banana slug on salt. The Nurse Wretched takes a metal curette, jams it into my ear, and I am in so much pain I thought I was gonna die. He goes about scraping, NO LATEX GLOVES, and scraping and scraping and blood is running down my neck because he tore my inner ear open. He was trying to scrape away a natural part of my anatomy and not even earwax or the infection. He breaks the tiny metal curette off its plastic handle in my ear. So NurseMan goes to get water. I exclaimed, "That better be warm water!!" But Noooooo. Ice cold. He's flushing my bloody ear out with NO LATEX GLOVES a mini-turkey baster and ice-cold tapwater. My doctor comes into the exam room, I am sweating like Michelle Wie in a tourney, blood running down my turtleneck and Nurse Dufus is being asked why he decided to treat me instead of waiting for the doctor to come in, now the doc can't see anything because my entire ear canal is flooded with blood. Nurses' hands and scrubs are covered with MY blood. I ask Nurse Dumb*ss if he cared if I had AIDS, Hep C, A, B, Z, whatever and he said 'I didn't have that in my records so he wasn't worried' about my blood. Then I yelled at him in front of my Dr: "What about your medical records? I have not seen them. How do you know what you have and do not have?" I was furious. I didn't want chubby-fingered fatboy goatee stupid white male nurse's germs either, despite the fact that they were already locked into my ear... Azithromycin. Sent home.
Fast forward one week: I go to an ENT specialist, still bloody & deaf in the left ear, no not def. But yes definitely deaf. And still bleeding: my pillows all have blood on it from the gash that Nurse Inept put in there. Blood would run down my neck. Husband freaks when he sees blood: he is trained as a surgeon. Even during my monthly, he wants to stop the bleeding. I have to call my Kotex pads "Band-Aids" or he worries. Blood running from his wife's left ear for a week has him all upset so he takes the day off to take me to the ENT because my balance is off and I am in head-pounding pain. ENT Doctor is great: a few minutes of gentle prodding, gentle suction, POP! and out comes this huge (in jewelry terms: 5 or 6 carat, a big blinger) hard mass of blood clot, earwax, and lots of tiny hairs stuck to it. Instant relief!! I got chastised for having Q-tip fuzz on my right eardrum... lol... because that's what ENTs are supposed to do. Hey, so it was clean and dry in there. The left side yielded the goods. Dr. ENT even carefully wrapped my produce in a tissue so I could bring it out to show my husband. It's currently up where my rock collection is. Husband thinks it's drying and shrinking a little and he wants to preserve it in a tiny box. That's when you know it's love!! Awww. Ewwwwwww!!
Anyways, yeah, I would have been super-grossed out by the gross-ery guy, too. I went back to my PCP for a follow-up, fast-forward another week past the ENT, and my favorite nurse, sweet little Native American gal who looks, walks, talks just like Marilyn on Northern Exposure told me that guy was fired. Because of me. He should not be doing surgery and injuring patients. Apparently, the medical group felt that he was way out of line and apparently I was not the only one injured: he could not draw blood and would not wear gloves, so I was not the only complainer. Mind you, I do not like to complain or even have a reason to complain.
I'm sorry to hear he's working at your local Safeway market now! Just glad to know he found a job, another one he can be just as inept at... yuck...
God's best blessings to you in your chosen career!
Yuck. That is so nasty!!! Now everyone is going to be more cautious.
just as bad is when u see some guy rub his feet for about 3 mins with his hand & then touch ur cell phone with that same hand w/out having washed it.
ryc: anytime you're in Boston, I'll be up for it! HAHA
hmmm....
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