June 1, 2010

• Hate on me hater.

   

  Have you ever had someone hate you for no reason whatsoever? 

   

  Well, apparently, The Franksabunch™ does.  This past weekend The Wife™ went back to the bay area to attend a bridal shower, where she ran into a friend of a friend who told her, “I heard you married that guy.  He was a jerk.”  What in the world?   I found it interesting that Bertha [name has been changed to protect the guilty], who I have never had a single real conversation with in my life, thought I was a jerk. First, some history…

   

  Years ago, before I met The Wife™, I had just moved to Portland for residency and one of my high school friends who lived there took me out to eat with his girlfriend and a few other people.  It was evenly divided among gender lines, so the boys sat on one end of the table and the girls sat on the other.  I spent the whole time playing catch up with my friend and another dude.  A couple weeks later my friend called…

   

  Friend: Hey, Franksabunch™, what did you think about Bertha?

  Franksabunch™: Who?

  Friend: Bertha, from the sushi dinner.

  Franksabunch™: Who?

  Friend: You know, one of my girlfriend’s friends that night.

  Franksabunch™: Ooooooh, you know, I never talked to any of the girls that night, so I don’t remember any of them.

  Friend: Well, me and my GF were thinking about setting you guys up.

  Franksabunch™: Oh, I appreciate it, but I seriously do not remember meeting any of the girls that night except for your GF.

   

  By then residency was in full swing so I never called my friend back to take him up on the offer.  Time flew by and eventually I met my future wife who later mentioned about a friend of a friend named Bertha she met.  Bertha found out we were dating and told my then GF how she didn’t like me, that I was cocky and stuck up or something.  My response was, “Who is Bertha?”  The Wife™ replied, “you know, the girl you went on a date or something with.”  “What, I never went on a date with her, I don’t even remember her face!” was my reply.

   

  More time flew by and the next time I ran into Bertha was at another mutual friend’s wedding, where Bertha came up to say hello to us.  And I have never seen her since.

   

  Fast forward another 4 years and Bertha tells my Wife™ that I am a jerk at a bridal shower in front of the bride!  When The Wife™ came home and told me about it, it took me 5 minutes to even remember who Bertha was!  So, apparently, the only person in my entire life who I have ever heard—directly or indirectly—call me a jerk is some random girl that I have maybe said 4 words to total and have seen maybe twice in the past 7 years.

   

  Why does she hate on me so much? 

   

  Theory #1: She thinks I am a stuck up doctor?  

  (She’s also in the health field.)  I am wondering whether her first impression of me from the sushi place was that of an arrogant miscreant who took pleasure in subjugating others.  You know how it is when old high school boys have a reunion, it’s all farts and insults.  Whenever I see homies from back in the day, all we do is rip into one another, cutting each other down like there is no tomorrow.  (It’s the male equivalent of hugging and slumber party pillow talk.)  Everyone knows that, and even if she didn’t, the fact that we were laughing through the whole dinner should’ve given her a clue that my friend didn’t mind.  (I probably did throw in a couple, “you’re a pharmacist, I’m a doctor, I’m your boss!!!” lines to my friend as a joke.)  And if even if I was being an arrogant bastard that night to my reciprocating friend, why should she care, even after all these years?

   

  Theory #2: She thinks I rejected her? 

  Piecing together my phone conversation with my high school friend and my then GF/now Wife’s accusation that I had gone on a date with Bertha, makes me think that perhaps Bertha had the expectation that the sushi dinner night was the actual set up group date and that my not talking to her or asking someone for her phone number later was my way of rejecting her.  If that is the case, it’s certainly not my fault because no one told me I was being set up to meet her that night.  If I knew, I would have at least tried to make some small talk, but as it was, I was meeting up with my old pal and that’s all I cared about.

   

  The more I think about it, theory #2 makes more sense.  Why else would she continue to stir the cauldron of bitterness all these years, despite the fact that I’m now married and she’s engaged?  But even if she was right about me—and she’s not—I think this whole tomfoolery says a lot more about her than me.  What kind of person goes up to someone at a bridal shower and in front of everyone, announces that her husband is a jerk?!?!?!  She obviously has some forgiveness and insecurity issues.

   

  So why are there some people in this world that love to hate on other people, while the rest of us move on? 

  In all my years of treating patients, seeing them and their families at their most vulnerable, I have come to notice that love and hate come from the same place and are often interchangeable.  (What?)  Seriously.  They both are manifestations of unbridled passion, are cathartic and are what we turn to when logic and reason are not enough.  When nearing the end of life, patients and their families often resort to one or the other, and seldom land somewhere in between.  People love when they can’t hate and hate when they can’t love.  So where in Bertha’s life is she missing love that she has to hate?  Only Bertha can answer that question.  But if I had the chance, I would tell her to choose love over hate...it's much more fulfilling. 

   

  So, Bertha, if I ever offended you in some phantom way, I’m sorry.  But know this…the fact that years later you still harbor such ill will over a petty incident that never happened the way you imagined and insulted my wife in public shows that even though I was never a jerk to you, you certainly deserved it.

   

  Good luck to your future husband.  Peace out.

  • 10:00 am
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