March 16, 2010

• The Curse of the Murse

   

  [A friend of mine who has a blog through the local newspaper asked me to write a guest post for him and I figure if I'm going to take time to write, I might as well "unretire" for a moment and post it on Xanga the same day it is in the newspaper website.  So here it is.  Makes me miss blogging.  Hope all of you and yours are doing well!]
  

  
  

  So, the other day The Franksabunch™ and The Wife™ were rollin’ through the Las Vegas MGM hotel with a gangsta lean and The Franksabunch™ was gobsmacked and mortified by the scene before him…a man carrying his woman’s purse!

   

  Full disclosure: The Franksabunch™ has been known on occasion to “protect” his wife’s purse for her while she’s, ahem, powdering her nose at public restroom.  It’s a matter of simple courtesy!  (And besides, like learning to squeeze your butt cheeks together before every sneeze, being kind to your woman is an essential survival skill when it comes to navigating the treacherous waters of relationships.)  However, this homie was holding her purse and walking with it while she strode aside him simultaneously empty handed and yet with both hands holding a death grip on his boiled eggs.  I instantly poured a little liquor on the ground from the 40 oz. I was carrying in honor of yet another ninja lost to the curse of the Murse a.k.a. the Male Purse.

   

  Editor’s note: the current use of the term Murse in this post is not to be confused with the term murse, which can be applied to male nurses, male curses (such as David Hasselhoff) and male purses (large bags designed for men), because this Murse is not a purse for men, but rather a Male Purse accessory for women. 

   

  Note the distinction, my friends and frenemies, because trust me when I tell you that it is better to be an asset rather than an accessory.  While there is never a relationship that is truly equal, you would rather have the balance be 51% vs. 49% instead of 90% vs. 10% because in order to love her, you must also be able to love yourself first.  And you can’t love yourself if you cease to exist.  So, my ninjas, are you a Murse?  Here’s a little quiz!  You get one point for every “yes” answer to the following questions:

   

  1. Instead of painting her nails, does she paint yours?
  2. Have you ever changed the TV station from a college football or basketball game without her asking you to when she sits down on the couch next to you?
  3. Do her girlfriends ask you for dating advice?
  4. Have you ever participated in a Bikram Yoga or Pilates session?
  5. Have you had a slice of vegetarian pizza in the past month?
  6. Did you ever do the fast clapping part in the “Friends” TV show theme song?  

   

  Results!

  • 0-1 points – See you at the next BJ Penn fight.  IMUA!
  • 2-3 points – Sorry, friend, but the store is called Ann Taylor, not Mann Taylor
  • 4-5 points – Oh Em Gee!  When is the Sex and the City sequel coming out?!
  • 6 points – Nice Hello Kitty tattoo there, son!

   

  But all kidding aside, homies, you do not want your life to be relegated to that of an accessory.  One of the purposes of a relationship is to push your wife or girlfriend to be a better person and you cannot do that if you are spending all of your time under her feet instead of by her side.  You also do not want to wake up one day and find yourself unfulfilled with the life of a Murse.

   

  So be strong, my ninjas.  Beware the curse of the Murse!  The next time a girl tries to make you into a Murse, pretend like she’s a girl who shops at Hot Topic and run for your life!

  
  

  Franksabunch™.....out! 
  

  • 9:00 am
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