October 9, 2009

• Must Love (Like) Dogs.

  Of the many reasons why the Franksabunch™ is not as active on Xanga as I used to be, the best is this one!

  
  Say hello to our puppy Boomer!  I named her Boomer because just like Grace Park's character in Battlestar Galactica, she thinks she's human and, second to my wife, is the cutest female on earth.

  We spend some of our weekends bringing Boomer to the dog park, which is a completely new experience to me.  As with other microcosms--school, hospitals, bar mitzvahs--dog parks have their own quirks about them.  One thing I did not realize was how much of a schmoozing and pick-up place it was.  Everyone knows everyone.  Everyone tries to set up everyone.  It's quite scary, actually, to hear them pass around phone numbers while their dogs are sniffing each other's colonic apertures.  As a married man, I always reflect during those moments how lucky I am to be off the market and not have to deal with the shadows, misdirections, miscues and unbridled if not inexorable hopes that comprise the world of singlehood.  And as a married Xanga man, I always reflect during those moments the wisdom I can impart upon my remaining readership (all 15 of you! ). 

  For my single homies...

  Reasons why you should pick up a wahine at a dog park:

  • She--or her daddy--has enough disposable cash money to not only buy a dog, but also pay for all the ridiculous vet visits
  • She has the potential to be a responsible parent
  • She is capable of showering someone else besides herself with affection
  • She'll have company if you ever want to ditch her for a night out with the boys

  Reasons why you should not pick up a wahine at a dog park

  • Like her dog, she may dress you up froo-froo style one time for your mind or force you to go out and exercise
  • Get close to the wrong one and you might find yourself all itchy after you go home (seriously, I hate it when people bring infested dogs to the parks!)
  • There's a reason why she's at the dog park by herself with her dog...she has no friends (co-depedency...not just for Michael Moore and cheeseburgers anymore!)
  • Think the dog is the only one she'll boss around?

  But after a few times observing the odd assortment of people at the dog park, I came to realize that the one common thread that unites all of the dog owners is the unconditional love they would receive from their dogs.  I wonder from time to time why God chose to create humans who love with conditions, while their pets love unconditionally.  It seems nonsensical that the former, with the higher level of consciousness, can't fathom the utility of unconditional love.  Would the world not be a better place if we showered those around us with affection unconditionally, like Boomer does with me?  Sometimes I get upset at my wife and the gnawing part that is not the best of me holds on and tries to squeeze out every ounce of malfeasance it can before the badness dissipates, while with Boomer, I can yell at her when she misbehaves, but can't stay mad longer than a few seconds, not when she comes back for affection regardless of whether forgiveness was granted.

  I guess I can because in the end, love is less about fulfilling conditions than it is about simply being fulfilling and forgiveness is not given, but rather *is* a given, when it comes to those you love.
  
  Sigh.  I guess I need to be as nice to The Wife™ as I am to Boomer. Haha! 

  So remember, friends and frenemies...go find yourself some unconditional love at the dog park...just not from the girl who dresses her dog in pink. 

  Franksabunch™......................out!  Have a great weekend!

  
  

  • 4:19 am
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