January 21, 2009
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Deleting your friends.
So the other week I finally upgraded to a smartphone (Blackberry Bold, because I’m straight out baller like that) and since then I have been slowly undergoing the arduous task of manually entering my phone book and currently I’m halfway through the letter M. (I tried the switch the SIM card thing but it didn’t work.) You wanna know a dirty little secret?
I deleted some of you.
After a few names I began to triage like an ER nurse (minus the attitude and too much information scrubs) based on certain criteria:
- Do I call this person regularly?
- Is this someone that I don’t talk to regularly, but love catching up once every 6-12 months?
- Relative?
- Xanga celebrity? (Just kidding.)
- Do I expect to keep in touch with this friend?
That last one was the hardest to figure out. Ever since I left Hawaii for college, I’ve lived on both coasts and at each place made friends but in the end realized that some of the friendships would be ephemeral in nature. The only group of friends in which all of them made it into my “bad boys for life” category are my friends from high school since we’ve all been down with one another throughout the years of struggles, triumphs and psycho girlfriends. Everyone else? Well, I’m just being honest when I say that not everyone who has come into my life will stay there.
Friends are like memories…some are worth cherishing for life while others are meaningful for the short time that they exist before they fade away.
This does not mean, of course, that the latter were somehow not nice enough, good enough, [fill in the blank] enough or that I am better than them, but rather an acknowledgement of how in transit this life is. It is nothing personal and I don’t take offense when the same is done with me. Once I was walking down the street when I saw in the distance a friend from another state who had not called to let me know that he would be in town (and never called before he left). Was I hurt or offended? No. I just realized that our friendship was not one that was meant to last beyond a proximity of convenience. No insult was intended by him or perceived on my part.
So what makes the difference between a friend you hold on to for life and one that you let fade away? As I pondered this question I wondered whether I was considered the former or the latter to others, not because I wanted people to hang onto my number, but rather because I hoped that with each friend I gave more than I received, listened more than I talked, encouraged more than I discouraged and, most importantly, forgave without hesitation or request.
After all, we have only one lifetime to make the lives of those around us better, so let’s make the most of it, okay?
Bad boys for life.
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So for the 20+ Xangans who gave me their number…you still have time to plead your case so I won’t delete you.
Have a great week!
Comments (26)
umm yah... i agree with you re: friends ;p they come and go... well most of them do.
i delete #s with no mercy! :p but i also keep a yahoo address book, so i can always find a # even if i deleted it from my phone. the ones i have a hard time with are people like friends' significant others. i'll never call them, but what if one day i might need to and i'm not at my computer??? so they have thus far survived the axe
people come in/out of life... though it definitely is sad that some are only good for a limited time. hows the blackberry?
lol i never delete my contacts because i dont want to be caught offguard if someone called and im like "who's this again?!" hahaha thats embarrassing and i guess hurtful to the caller? i dunno. but at the same time, a lot of my contacts are outdated. i'll have to scramble for their #'s when i realize that im leaving voicemails for the WRONG person!
i'm very "in transit" with my friends. perhaps i need to be better on catching up...
yo: what do you think about sanja gupta being nominated for attorney general???
woops i meant surgeon general!
YOu better not delete me! What if I need to ask random nephro questions for my patients, dude?!?!?!
Of course, I have deleted people I haven't talked to in >2 years.
An excellent post, dear sir.
By the way, Frank, I have a non-xanga related, nurse-related question for you. I have a friend who is interested in being a nurse. She is 30 and doesn't have a college degree. Is there a way for her to do it through some kind of internship route with 2 years of speciality school? Or is it too late?
during my social butterfly days, i had so many numbers in my phone that i really had absolutely no idea who many of the people were. i never went through the act of actually deleting numbers. about two years ago, i lost my phone and now only have numbers of people and restaurants i speak to somewhat often. my work contact list has grown but i don't have those numbers stored in my cell phone.
eh since its so easy to dial and search ppl in my phone, keeping a trim phone list isn't necessary... but yes, if you're doing the phone transition... OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!
It was such a struggle for me...having to move on from people because they've moved on from you. But I think law school's made me such a cold-hearted bastard that it's not as much of a problem for me anymore.
delete and purge
IF I get a BB let's be ping buddies, haha!
Each year I realize more that I don't have to be friends with everyone.
@thesecretfee - I think sometimes people confuse the ability to *report* the news with the ability to *make* the news. I don't see what he has done to warrant a position to be pushing national health agendas. But if we were to base all our decisions on experience, then Obama wouldn't be president, now would he? It's a rather benign position traditionally used to push certain issues, I see no probs.
@franksabunch -
surgeon general is a benign position? ddaaayyyaammnn!
well, i dont know too much about what a great doctor's resume looks like, but i heard he's a professor and thought leader in neurosurgery? (in addition to being a talking head.)
you'll always be my chingoo!
Well Dr Frank, this is my response to you! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edaJP3Lp0Gg
@thesecretfee - I wonder, though......what kind of guy spends 4 yrs in med school, and 6-7 years (not including any extra years for fellowship) in neurosurgery residency, and then spends a lot of his time using his 7-figure hands to do......journalism! Hmmm..... Haha! The surgeon general usually doesn't do much in terms of policy, but usually just pushes the agenda of his/her choice. C. Everett Koop chose AIDS, I think. But I have no prob with Gupta getting it...in my mind, the more Asian Americans in power, the better!
@RiceDaddy7 - I think if you have some kind of science bachelors you may be able to get a fast track RN degree (this guy I know did), but without one, I doubt it. If she doesn't want to do 4 yrs, she can get an LPN as opposed to an RN in 2 years. However, you can't advance with that. Nursing is a good job...you work 3-4 days a week with full benefits backed by a union.
@franksabunch -
he'd have to be an attention-whore neurosurgeon.
hmm... attention whore...
...I've recently deleted some Facebook "friends," and it wasn't nearly as painful as anticipated
But I guess that's slightly different, eh?
i dunno.. i wouldn't delete anyone. i mean, atleast you should have a backup real phone book where you write down all the numbers. cuz seriously, you never know when you may need it. of course, thye might change their #... but still, you never know.
Maybe wifey might be happy to find out you lost numbers of some of your exes? Haha
Ahahaha... applying the medical triage to phone numbers. Cruel, yet efficient.
psycho girlfriends hahaha.
i always wish i could hold on to ALL my friends... but of course, that cannot happen.
no friends...WITH BENEFITS!
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