November 18, 2008

  • Toilet seat: up or down?

    So the other day The Franksabunch™ was at Starbucks doing some reading--venti iced green tea with three splenda and no attitude, please!--when my bladder told me that it was time to empty that which is full, so I sauntered over to the unisex bathroom.  Occupied!  Well, if there's one thing I learned during medical school years ago it was that my bladder could hold urine like a mother.  (There's nothing like holding your pee during an eight-hour esophagectomy to show your bladder who is the man in the relationship.)  So I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  And waited.  I think almost 7 minutes had gone by before I heard a flush and out walked a wahine who scurried past me with her head down.  I walked in and then....what da double decka hecka?  The toilet seat is UP!  Why did she lift it up?  (And no, she was not a tranny!)  Far be it from me to assume anything about the other sex, but I know very few wahines who are charitable enough to lift the toilet seat up in a public restroom.  (And besides, the girl didn't know that I was waiting outside.)  Women are a privileged bunch.  They expect toilet seats to be down when they walk in to, ahem, "powder their noses," just as much as they expect men to understand what they're saying when giving them the silent treatment.  I know that this wahine obviously used the toilet.  The proof was in the pudding...left behind in the toilet bowl.  Without giving it much thought I filed it, along with Ryan Seacrest's popularity, in the "Things that exist but The Franksabunch™ doesn't understand why" file and went about my usual business.  (You know, saving the world and all that.)

    Today The Wife™ was at a place with a unisex bathroom and she tried to open the door but it was locked.  Ten minutes later a man in an expensive, suave suit walked out avoiding The Wife™'s eyes, but what he left behind hit her in the nose like a farting bat out of hell.  100% genuine funk nasty.  But here's the funny part...he left the toilet seat UP!  Homie was trying to be all ninja about it, dropping a numero dos and then lifting the toilet seat in a futile attempt to make her think that he didn't just empty his large intestine into the Pacific Ocean.  Now this all got The Franksabunch™ thinking...

    Do we go through life leaving the toilet seat up or down after we drop a numero dos?  Do we always put up a happy facade or do we let others peek into the maelstrom that lies beneath?

    It's no secret that we all go through, uh, crap in this life, and whether out of pride, shame or what have you, we often put up a facade of happiness to convince others that we are in fact okay.  In other words, we leave the toilet seat up to prevent others from knowing what just happened.  But in doing so, are we hurting or helping ourselves?  I remember after my father passed away that I tried to be stoic, to be strong for everyone else, but everytime someone out of courtesy asked and I replied with, "I'm okay,"  I felt the hole within me getting larger and burrowing deeper.  It kept eating away at me until one day it just all came out.  "I'm so sick and tired of having to be the one that is strong for everyone else," I screamed at my friend.  "What about me?  Who is there for me?"  And it was then, and only then, that my healing process could begin.

    Neglecting the hurt in your life only serves to make it hunger for you more.  And denying others a chance to peek into the maelstrom that lies beneath your happy facade only serves to isolate yourself further to a place where only you and your pain reside.  All wounds will leave a scar, my friends, but how big that scar gets is entirely up to you.

    So the next time you find yourself dropping a numero dos, whether literally or figuratively, just go ahead and leave the toilet seat down.  I'll be here for you.

    Have a great week!
    ---------
    I wanted to get tickets to go watch BJ Penn vs. GSP at UFC 94 (since I'm already going to be in Las Vegas then), but at this point I don't want to pay $200 (plus whatever ridiculous fees they add on) per ticket to sit in the nosebleed section.  It's too bad, I was going to go all moked out with a BJ Penn shirt waving a Hawaiian flag, haha!  Anyone got the hook ups?

    Edit: Did I just see a post on healthkicker about drinking urine?!?!?!  What's next?  Peanut butter and poop sandwiches?

Comments (23)

  • The healing process can only begin when you choose to let it.

  • Maybe the woman was a bulemic and barfing in there?

    You know, my ex told me there was an actual study that measured the growth of residents' bladders before residency and after residency.

  • i have my own bathroom so it's always up. after number two, i put it up again too.

  • call me weird but after a drop a deuce, i feel weird peeing sitting down.. So after ive done the deed and cleaned up, if i still need to pee, I lift up the seat and flow...

  • what what, in the butt!

  • i uh.. do all that while sitting if i have to do a 2

  • my husband and i want to go to that fight too!! the card is too good!

  • my husband always puts the seat back down.  that's why he rocks.

  • Entertaining read with a wise moral, as always. Didn't know UFC tickets were so expensive, wow.

  • this is great! toilets are in the down and outs! or the in and outs!

  • look at you go with this post! Here I was reading through the beginning thinking this was really about leaving the toilet seat up or down, and you go all philosophical on me!! I think most people will try and hide whatever they're going through, at least--that's how I am! I'd rather help you with your issues than have everyone know what's going on with me

  • ...well, if I'm using one that's technically unisex, but used by guys more often, I put the seat back up :D (It's only polite, right?)

  • not poop sandwiches...penis butter sandwiches!

  • Here you go again - hilarious and with a moral at the end. Like duh. But it's good!

  • What a...creative metaphor. But it is definitely one I will remember.

  • Hahaha... super funny, and then a little moral at the end, nice!

  • why'd you have to say pudding...*SHUDDERS* lolll

  • @korean_biyatch - BWAHAHAHAHA!  You're outta control!

  • I not only leave the seat down, I leave the cover down as well (unless I'm pooping in a public restroom).

    The only way to cover up after I'm done is to strike a match!

    So, I guess that means I'm a very reserved person unless my mistakes and hurts are so bad, I have to create a massive diversion to distract people.

  • its always down for me!

  • im low maintenance, i dont care which way it is, it only takes 1 second to fix

  • "the maelstrom that lies beneath"

    the entertainment of franksabunch. always epic, fo sho!!!

    like da fecal metaphor, brutha!!!

    and btw, i'll pass on the urine shots - HA!

  • Take it from a research perspective. I meant to give you this explanation weeks ago. Tally how many times you'll see the seat up after a women walks out of a unisex. I leave the seat up because I don't want guys to pee on the lid if they were rushing in. Just a courtesy thing to do for other ladies. The seat stays down if there are toilet seat paper on the wall..

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