October 14, 2008

• Xanga Trolls.

   

  So the other day there was this post on Revelife asking if marijuana should be legalized, and as part of the discussion the writer mentioned that alcohol was legal and dangerous, blah, blah, blah.  I made a brief comment that the alcohol example was a red herring and was saturated with faulty logic, thereby enraging all the white-boys-with-dreadlocks-who-play-the-bongos.  Someone then responded to my comment, calling me “stupid” and “dense.”  Wow.  (Please excuse me for a moment while I go cry in the corner.)  While I’ve never considered myself to be the smartest person on xanga, I would reckon that since I beat 97% of all medical students—not general population, but medical students—on a national exam during school, that I’m probably a little smarter than the average joe.  (I’m not being arrogant…just stating the obvious.)  So unless that guy can prove to me that he is capable of beating 98% of all American medical students on an exam, if I’m stupid and dense, then he's stupidererer and densererer. 

   

  Which brings me to the subject of internet trolls.  Me thunketh that The Franksabunch™ could be considered an old man on xanga since I’ve been around since the end of 2004, and I’ve encountered more than my fair share of trolls since then.

   

  By definition, a troll can be:

  1. An ugly, nefarious mother of a creature seen in places like Middle Earth, Krynn and World of Warcraft
  2. Someone who takes great joy in leaving inflammatory comments on blogs
  3. Rosie O’Donnell without makeup on

  

  Ching-chong! Ching-chong! Ching-chong! Belly. Needs. Tasty. Baby. Now.

   

  So for those of you who are new to xanga, let me introduce you to some of the different types of Xanga Trolls that are out there. 

   

  The Wayward Jesus Troll

  While going around and dropping, “Jesus loves you!” comments on random posts is harmless and—who knows!—may actually lead someone to the faith, there are some who use religion as a vessel to express their personality disorders.  Going around and saying things like God hates gays! God hates Jews! Starbucks is the Anti-Christ! is not cool (well, maybe the Starbucks one is) and is not what the New Testament is about.  There is not one person who is unworthy of love and forgiveness.  Yes, even the troll on Revelife.  (Drat!)

   

  The Atheist Troll

  The yin to the Wayward Jesus Troll yang is the xangan who makes it his mission to go to all the religious-themed xanga posts to say things like God is dead! Marilyn Manson is cool beans!  and usually has a screen moniker like EmoBoy666 or Jesusisnotmyhomeboy.  (Apologies if those are actual screen names.)  But I guess having them drop Nietzsche comments is a good way of occupying their time so they won’t cut themselves.  Just remember, homies, you may not believe in hell, but hell believes in you!  (That’s actually a line from Hellraiser…minus the homies part.)

   

  The Misanthrope Troll

  The most common and well known troll out there, the Misanthrope Troll goes around calling other people names, insulting their looks and often tries to engage others in intellectual arguments to prove that the other person is dense or stupid.  I don’t know what this pathology of misanthropy is rooted in—Was he not breastfed enough by his mother?  Was he rejected too much by Asian girls in college when he used his, “Are you Asian? OMG, I looove California rolls!” line?—but he somehow finds the need to put others down to make himself feel better in regards to whatever inadequacies there are festering in his personal life.  Homies need to realize that people who are all that and a bag of chips don't go around trying to knock other people down because they don't have to do that to feel secure in their own skin.  It's one of the idiosyncracies of life that the insignificant are always the ones trying to prove that they are significant.

   

  The Political Troll

  Whether coming from the Left (McCain is so old, when he farts dust comes out!) or Right (Hillary Clinton is like Sara Palin…except she’s scooby snacks!),

   

  

  Whoa!  Someone better call Constantine and return that one back to sender!

  the Political Troll tends to come out of the cubicle cave every 4^th year.  I’ve never understood why people can’t disagree and be cordial about it, but I guess when you’re in a business where doing the right thing is often the wrong thing and vice versa, anything goes!

   

  The Very Single Troll

  What this guy comments isn’t so much offensive as the fact the he himself is, well offensive looking.  I actually feel sorry when I see these guys try too hard to woo women on xanga, especially one well-known xangan who, despite being old and married, goes around making borderline salacious comments on female sites, especially the Asian ones.

   

  So there you have it, subscribers and stalkers.  If you find yourself being victimized by a Xanga Troll, just remember...  Internet trolls are like the large intestine…they may make lots and lots of noise, but at the end of the day they’re still full of crap.  So don't worry, just kill 'em with kindness! 

   

  And to the troll on Revelife, remember this: Sticks and stones may break my bones…but that still doesn’t change the fact that you’re an idiot.  Ouch!  Just kidding, Jesus loves you!

   

  Have a great week!

  ------

  Tagged by m_tastic, idashling and spiritedsherry (a modified version of these tag things):

   

  4 things I did recently

  • Rounded with my residents and students
  • At a Korean restaurant called out, "chogio!" to get the ajumma's attention
  • Daydreamed about being a backup drummer for the Blue Man Group
  • Kissed The Wife™ 5 times on the cheek while she was sleeping before I left for work at the buttcrack of dawn

  4 things on my “to do” list

  • Pick up my guitar again
  • Get my flight to !VEGAS! for an upcoming conference
  • Study for my “bored” exam
  • Buy a house/condo/townhouse

  4 of my guiltiest pleasures

  • Cleaning my ear canals with Q-tips (don’t do it, children, it’s against medical advice!)
  • Those bomb diggity Cocoa Puffs from Liliha Bakery 
  • Coke icees/slurpees
  • Listening to Laura Pausini and the Wu-Tang Clan (not at the same time, of course)

  6 random (xanga-related) facts about me

  • I don’t miss the nearly three-year run of being on FC before they changed the format (honest!)
  • I always wonder what happened to xangans like IUsedToLoveHim and ZFunkmonkey, and whether inactive xangans still read my posts in their email digests
  • I’ve met a lot of xangans.  Not counting those I already knew IRL, I’ve been lucky to have met:
    • AkikoKim, AngelChica, Azriha, bipolarmeow, blahblahfishy, BobaShop, Camillegal, Dieselgrrrrl (who I found out is a distant cousin!), fatitude, fufuberi, GERKshinobi, iluvconverse, Jean888, JonasApproved, junshien, My_notes_to_self, nomuskles, OCRosie, peachmentos, radjbo, saphoto, SFGeckos, s1LLyAngel408, summ3r21, TeaEvolutionMay, weezguy, winspark, wutuwaitn4, two other xangans whose identities I cannot reveal, and a few more I met incidentally.  No, I will not give you any of their phone numbers!  And no, just because they met me doesn’t mean that they will meet you! 
  • I have a secret, protected post only xanga site that only 20 or so of you have seen (it's inactive now)
  • At one point early on, probably 35% of my subscribers were Korean women
  • The Wife is not on xanga and thinks the whole blogging thing is weird

  Edit: P.S.--I'm not mad at the guy or anything...that experience just sparked the idea for this post. 

   

  Edit #2: Ah, I knew it was inevitable, that someone would comment on the whole marijuana thing.  (I originally wrote an explanation for my comment, but deleted it, so as not to prolong this post too much.  Anyway....)  I don't think having graduated from medical school has anything to do with, well, anything.  (It just makes me smart, not arrogant. )  The thought is that if alcohol is dangerous and legal, then marijuana should be legal as well.  I still think that is a red herring.  If you want to talk about it further...  More people die annually from Tylenol or aspirin when compared to isolated marijuana use.  If the "alcohol is bad, so marijuana should be legal because it's safer" theory applies here, then we should make Tylenol and aspirin illegal.  The problem with that is that the amount of cardiovascular deaths that would arise from eliminating aspirin from circulation would far exceed the number of lives saved from aspirin overdoses.  I will have NO problem prescribing marijuana if it becomes standard of care or if there is further evidence that reveals that its efficacy and risk profiles make it an acceptable alternative or adjunct to therapies currently available.  (I believe the AMA in the past year or two made a push for marijuana to be considered as a mainstream therapy.)  I prescribe narcotics and chemotherapy class medications to patients.  Why would I be afraid of prescribing marijuana, if indicated?  All things can potentially kill if used the wrong way and the core issue is whether or not American society would benefit from the legalization of marijuana, and simply stating that "alcohol is bad" is an argument that is insufficient at best and misleading and weak at worst.  Nobody owns The Franksabunch™.  Well, except The Wife™.

  • 11:22 am
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