March 10, 2008

• Xanga Stalkers (and peculiar guests)!

   

  The Franksabunch™ has been on xanga since 12/04 and I have had all kinds of people leave their footprints on my site.  In my first few months I employed the use of a tracker to see who came to my site and from where.  One day, however, I found myself subjected to a case of the uber heebie-jeebies.  I found that one particular IP address was used to visit my site with various xanga names that were associated with my posts.  That freaked me out more than the thought of being doused in honey and forced to run away from a famished Dr. Phil.  I do not know if he actually created these xangas, somehow wrested control of them from the original owners or knew how to mess with the tracker, but it gave me chicken skin. Here are some examples of different xanga names I got from the same IP address those first few months.

   

  Xanga Moniker Used	Corresponding Post
  Starbucks, coffee	Starbucks
  LAM guys	Gym Freaks
  Metro	Metrosexual
  Smelly roommate	Take a Shower

   

  You know what they say about coincidence…  If something weird happens once it’s coincidence.  If something weird happens twice it’s a pattern.  And if something weird happens more than twice it probably has something to do with the Church of Scientology.  (Read Dianetics and you, too, can become wacko like Tom Cruise!)  I figured at this point that ignorance is bliss and took the tracker down.  (Now I just glance on occasion at xanga footprints, which gives very little information.)

   

  At my wizened state on xanga I’ve come to notice several patterns/types of xanga stalkers and visitors outside of your usual subscribers.

   

  The blank xanga aka the peeping tom

  These are people who come to your site but never write anything on their own.  It’s similar to a peeping tom who knows everything about you, but is completely in the shadows when you glance back. 

   

  The cockroaches aka the non-commenter

  You know how cockroaches somehow find their way into your house, run around and then disappear?  Just like the nefarious roaches, these xangans come to your site, scurry through your last 50 entries without commenting, leaving only footprints behind as they exit.  If you’re going to read all my writing in the past 6 months, the least you could do is tell me that it stinks more than a hippopotamus’ belch!

   

  The random googler aka the pervert

  There have been some strange google searches that have led people to my site.  Just the other day it was a search for “Alicia Keys Butt Cleavage” (I’m the #4 site, I kid you not).  One recent funny one was a google search for “Korean girls always close me on eharmony” (I’m #3).  Hmmm…me thunketh that someone out there has a fetish for Seoul Sistas.  Be careful of what you wish for, baller, she may ask you to give her your corneas one day.  Bwahaha!  Other searches have been far more salacious, but since this is a family show I won’t write them here.  (For the record, I think that Korean video is stupid…any med student knows you can get cornea transplants from cadavers.  Tssst!  I laughed at my wife when she cried watching it…then spent the night on the couch.)

   

  The specific googler aka the obsessed fan

  It’s insane in the membrane how many people google “franksabunch” prior to coming to my site, as if they are trying to figure out who I am.  It’s not that hard if you really try.  But for those of you incapable of doing so, here’s a hint — my last name isn’t “Bunch.” Also, not all franksabunches on the internet are me.  For example, there is someone using my xanga name to gamble online in Europe!  (Probably someone upset at all my jokes about the French.)  One cousin removed from the specific googler is the person who xanga searches my name (it would be easier just to subscribe, no?) or someone else, with the #1 xanga search referrer being a search for akikokim! (Just another thing that woman beats me at!  Drat!)  

   

  The troll aka the person who needs to get a life

  An internet troll is someone who goes around leaving incendiary, oh-no-you-didn’t! comments in order to get you to respond.  Potential reasons why he does this are to generate more traffic to his site, feed his boredom, or compensate for his lack of friends outside of the baristas at Starbucks who are paid to talk to him.  You should treat internet trolls like Jehovah’s Witnesses at the front door…ignore them and they’ll eventually go away!

   

  The romeo aka the person who needs a date…now

  This is the guy looking for love on the internet, leaving comments at hot wahines’ xangas to garner some love he has been missing since his mom took down his Heather Locklear poster.  These attempts are as obvious as a fart from Shaquille O’Neal, and only slightly less foul.  But be careful, young hustla.  Looking for love on the internet is like visiting a nudist colony or a presidential campaign, where what is promised isn’t necessarily what is delivered.

   

  In the end, however, I really should not–and do not–get upset at who comes to my site.  Anyone choosing to write a blog should realize that they’re posting something available for the whole world to see.  So come one, come all, stalkers and weirdos…just make sure you leave an eprop!

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  The best part about doing this post was looking back at my old entries.  It’s funny how much my writing has changed over the years (reflecting my own evolution). 

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  Thoughts on last week’s America’s Best Dance Crew:

  • Jabbawockeez — Killed it.  Much better than last week.
  • Kaba Modern — I don’t think enough people realize that these kids (youngest out of all the competitors) are constantly creating new stuff, unlike other groups who rely on tricks and standard moves.
  • Status Quo — At this point, it is inexcusable for the leader to be lost for a few seconds during a routine.  They mess up something in almost every show…they’re lucky they weren’t in the bottom two or they could’ve been eliminated.  These guys can dance, but rely too much on tricks…sooner or later they’re going to run out of them.  I think the Broadway episode will make the big boy–er, I mean fat lady–sing if they’re in the bottom two this week. 
  • Fysh n Chicks — Great job and I think they should’ve stayed.  This is a dancing competition and they shouldn’t have lost to BreakSk8 who relied on athletics and flexibility!
  • BreakSk8 — I can’t believe they’re still here.  They often use the same moves over and over.  The novelty of being on skates will wear off sooner or later and then people will realize that they’re just mediocre dancers once the clock strikes midnight and the glass skate falls off.
  • The judges — I don’t care how well they can dance or how much money they make, but their bad grammar is making the English major in me cringe.  Everytime they mix up was/were and is/are I feel like sticking bamboo under my fingernails. 

  And for the craziest thing I have ever seen, check the moves at 2:09 and the guy at 5:27.  (Here is another clip of 5:27 guy.)  Have a great week!  Don’t forget to vote for Jabba and Kaba this Thursday!

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  Edit: WHAT IN THE WORLD?!?!?  I guess it takes more than a village for democrat governors and presidents to stay faithful to their wives!

  Edit #2: Haha!  This doesn’t apply to you if you’re subscribed to me, silly wabbits!

  • 10:27 am
  • 67 Comments