June 11, 2007

• The Franksabunch™ World News in Review.

  (With apologies to SNL.)

  The temporarily release of Paris Hilton from jail caused an uproar of Entertainment Tonight proportions with accusations ranging from bribery to special treatment of celebrities.  In response, Paris stated that she couldn't understand why everyone was so upset because she did, after all, receive a longer jail sentence than O.J. Simpson.  And speaking of white broncos...

  Despite graduating from the Naval Academy and law school, working as a personal injury lawyer, having a CDC TB specialist as a father-in-law, moving his flight to Europe earlier and then taking the airline industry's version of O.J.'s white bronco flight to Canada and then driving to NY in an attempt to evade authorities, multi-drug resistant tuberculosis patient Andrew Speaker claims that he didn't know that what he was doing was wrong.  Lawyers across the world were furious that Mr. Speaker provided a bad example for lawyers...by marrying the daughter of someone in the health field.  (On a side note, he better get checked for HIV, what is he doing with XDR-TB?)  And speaking of lawyers behaving badly...

  The case of the travelling pants has a new twist.  District of Columbia lawyer and judge Roy L. "stands for loser" Pearson is still at it.  In an attempt to show the world that he is capable of charity, he decreased the amount he is asking the Chung's from $67 million to $54 million for not having his pair of pants ready in time.  In return, the Chungs have offered Pearson an all-expense paid trip to North Korea, complete with a T-Shirt with the Target logo on it and a 3-day, 2-night camping trip in the DMZ.

  

  Here's your shirt, Roy, and some eggs to throw at Kim Jong-Il!

  Louisiana democrat and congressman William Jefferson claims he is innocent of the bribery charges despite the Feds finding $90,000 cash in his freezer.  In response Jefferson claims that he was just saving the money to contribute to the Chungs' defense fund.

  Cindy Sheehan recently stepped down as the face of the anti-war movement...after realizing that Paris Hilton had stolen all of her press and that she could make $30,000 selling her ranch.  She then publicized that the next hypocritical movement she will lead is the Critical Mass bicycle ride the last Friday of every month in San Francisco.

  China has been on the defensive ever since its export products--toothpaste, monkfish, pet food--have been blamed for killing people and pets in more than one country.  In a step to soothe public relations, Chinese officials have removed the "Buy Chinese...it's to die for!" slogan from their advertisements and have promised free toothpaste to all foreign competitors in the 2008 Beijing Olympics.

  Former Wham! (bam thank you, man) frontman George Michael recently got sentenced to community service and banned from driving the next 2 years after being caught driving under the influence of drugs.  The jury was split 60/40 over the defense's claim that George, like most radio listeners, simply fell asleep when "Careless Whisper" started playing.    And speaking of gay men...

  Isaiah Washington, who plays the I'm-too-sexy-for-my-O.R. cardiothoracic surgeon Dr. Burke on Grey's Anatomy, did not have his contract renewed for next year, due to the tomfoolery that surrounded his use of a gay slur when referring to the actor who plays George the intern.  Sources close to Mr. Washington claim that it's a cover up, and that the real reason why he is leaving the show is because he can't handle listening to Meredith Grey's (Ellen Pompeo's) lisp anymore. 

  

  Meredith: I love the tasssssste of thissss beer, it hassss a twissssst of lemon, and a wissssp of cinnamon crissssp!

  The internet is still buzzing over an 11-yr-old boy's killing of a monster 1,000 lbs. hog while hunting.  In completely unrelated news, Rosie O'Donnell has not been seen or heard from since leaving The View.  (Forgive me, I couldn't help it.)  And speaking of 1,000 lbs. hogs...

  It's time to lose weight!

  I was challenged that I could not lose 10% of my weight by December.  (If I do, that person has to stop drinking completely.)  She was shocked when she discovered exactly how much I weighed (and was very wrong in her guess).  Can you guess?  Here are two recent pictures of me:

   

  A few months ago?  Wearing my Fear to Faith gear.

  

  A couple weekends ago in Half Moon Bay.

  So can you guess how much I weigh?  (Hint: I'm 6'1" without my shoes on.)  Winner gets a free link!  (Although it's not worth as much as a Cakalusa link, his link to my page a couple weeks ago led to 4,683,857.5 people coming to my page.)

  Have a great week!  Eat your vegetables and use the green low sodium Kikkoman!  I'm out like grout!

  Edit: Gabernaculum -- I'd rather be caught in a porcupine's embrace than in short shorts a la dazzey dukes.  Hint, tho...I always wear loose/baggy pants as an homage to Fu Schnickens-era hip hop, so my legs aren't as chunky as they appear.  And Ricedaddy7's guess is the closest when he says that "most of it's muscle."  Haha!

  Edit#2: Beware the Ahjummah!  I stole this from W84meplease, it's a video of an Ahjummah at a wedding (I won't spoil the ending for you).  Remind me not to have any at mine!

  
  
  That's awesome!  Don't mess with Korean women!  Bwa ha ha ha!

  • 9:19 pm
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